Confidence is king.
Literally every facet of your life is tied directly to your confidence level—low confidence leads to lonely nights, an out of shape body and (possibly) depression. Sky-high confidence manifests as success with women, your career and a general attitude of “winning.”
But can you just suddenly become confident? For a lot of guys, it might sound easier to grow 4 inches taller or get recruited to your favorite NFL team.
Anybody can become confident. Yes, even you. Especially you.
Keep reading for my 7 keys to massive confidence in every aspect of your life.
1. Never Stop Learning
No, I don’t mean teaching yourself astrophysics is going to give you the confidence of Casanova.
But men like us need to experience growth to feel satisfied. Without some kind of forward momentum, guys might as well be moving backwards.
Learning is a powerful confidence-booster because of that old cliche—knowledge is power. And power translates to confidence.
It doesn’t really matter what you learn either, just as long as you’re not wasting every moment of your free time on video games and porn.
So pick up a book, take up a foreign language, dust off your old guitar. As long as you’re actively trying to get better at something, you’re going to feel better in all aspects of life—from dating to work and everything in between.
2. Stop Comparing Yourself To Other People
Keeping up with the Joneses is alive and well with the constant stream of updates provided by social media.
Your best friend just got engaged to his smoking hot girlfriend, your high school classmate just won the lottery, or your co-worker uploaded a million pictures from his vacation in Bali (while you were busy working double shifts to cover for him).
The average guy might take a look at all the “success” everyone around him is having and feel like a complete failure.
Well, here’s the problem…
People hardly ever post about the negative crap in their lives.
Fred from across the street is going to make a status update about his new Lambo, not that he caught his wife cheating on him.
Your ex-girlfriend is going to tell the whole world about her sweet, romantic dinners with her new boyfriend…but not their daily shouting matches over who forgot to buy milk.
See what I mean? And this line of thinking doesn’t just extend to social media, either. So what’s the solution?
Simple. Stop wishing you could be richer or taller or more successful with women. Do your own thing. Improve yourself. Keep learning. Because I guarantee there are a dozen other people who envy your life, too.
3. Hit The Gym
Seriously, there’s no excuse for being a slob. If that sounds harsh, I’m not sorry.
Look, you really don’t need to be The Rock to score women. You don’t even have to be in “good” shape. But there are a handful of problems with being in “bad” shape.
First of all, your energy will be lower. That means you’ll stay in for the night instead of meeting friends, waste your whole weekends sleeping in, and you won’t be able to go the distance in the bedroom without taking a halftime break.
Second, being out of shape communicates that you don’t respect yourself. Subconsciously, people want to walk all over you and won’t give you the respect you deserve.
But enough negativity. Working out is the antidote, but you don’t need to kill yourself doing Olympic lifts and guzzling protein shakes 3 times a day.
Running, cycling, lifting weights…they’re all a means to an end. At the end of the day, regular physical activity releases feel-good chemicals in your brain. It creates a positive feedback loop that goes something like this:
• Feel better about yourself
• Other people pick up on your heightened mood
• You’re more inclined to socialize (confidently), making you feel even better
• Since exercising makes you feel good, you stop making excuses to skip your workouts
• You exercise more and more, feeling better and better. Rinse and repeat
Being more physically fit also allows you to wear form-fitting clothes and improves your posture, which in turn skyrockets your confidence level.
Key takeaway: look good, feel good.
4. Master Good Eye Contact
For some people, making and holding eye contact is damn near impossible.
But I guarantee you that eye contact is one of the most important indicators of a confident, dominant man.
Eye contact is so powerful because it makes you appear confident on the outside in addition to making you feel confident on the inside.
Now, there’s a right and wrong way to lock eyes with someone, but it’s easy to master. Basically, maintain eye contact for as long as the other person does, but look away a second or two after they do.
When you look away, don’t look down! It makes you look like a scared puppy. Instead, glance off to the side, as if you’re thinking about something.
The reason you don’t maintain eye contact 100% of the time is that, well…it makes you look like a serial killer. There’s a fine line to walk, but this isn’t rocket science.
Just remember: downcast eyes equal submission, which is the polar opposite of confidence.
5. Drop The Drama
Men don’t gossip and belittle other people behind their backs.
We don’t whine 24/7 about the smallest modern inconveniences, like cold french fries or weak WiFi.
We don’t constantly put ourselves down with negativity, either outwardly or inwardly.
I promise that by avoiding water cooler drama, fighting with strangers on Facebook, or generally stressing over the tiniest crap that doesn’t matter, your life will improve and your confidence will soar.
Is it really a big deal that someone took your favorite parking spot?
Is your entire life hinging on whether one girl agrees to meet you for lunch?
Are you going to die if Starbucks doesn’t restock on pumpkin lattes?
These little things don’t matter. When you stop focusing on the mundane junk that doesn’t really affect your life, you’re going to start smiling a lot more. Your head will be clearer. And you’ll be miles ahead of everyone else stuck in the same rut every day.
6. Start Taking Action
Without application, everything is just theory. You can learn how to talk to girls, how to change your oil, how to grill a steak…but until you make an approach, open up your hood or fire up the grill, it’s all just theory.
That’s why you’ve got to stop getting so caught up in “I should really…” and “Next weekend, for sure…” and start getting some field experience.
You’re going to have a few disastrous day game approaches where you make a fool of yourself. Maybe you’ll spill oil all over yourself. You might burn a few expensive steaks.
But there’s no other way to improve. And without improving your skills, you can’t improve your confidence.
7. Fake It Til’ You Make It
I’m serious. You’d be amazed how many outwardly confident people are a shaking mess on the inside. Doctors, lawyers, actors…they’re all human.
But the reason successful people are able to overcome their anxiety, lack of confidence and low self-esteem is very simple—they envision success every day until it becomes reality.
You’re probably wondering how you can fake confidence. How the hell can you stop stuttering around girls or suddenly get better at your job?
Well, let’s use dating as an example. Tons of guys that I coach have all the tools they need to pick up hot women; they’re good-looking, funny, they’re interesting to talk to, you name it.
But they can’t translate those qualities into tangible results (dates/sex/etc.)
Here’s the solution next time you’re thinking of a million excuses not to approach a sexy girl…
Instead of thinking of all the ways your interaction could go terribly, terribly wrong, just stop. Instead, assume it will go incredibly right. Assume that girl is the self-conscious, shy one—not you. Assume she’s nervous to talk to you. For once, just say “I am the man” and do it.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but this is what tons of professionals, actors, comedians and dating experts do every day. Eventually, you won’t have to fake it anymore because your confidence will be real.
But until then, it’s OK to cheat a little.