The Friend Zone Deconstructed: How Guys Get In It And 3 Steps To Get Out Of It

The Friend Zone.

That simple little phrase is enough to make men the world over pull their hair out in frustration.

It’s dating purgatory—oh-so-close to being on her radar, yet so very, very far away.

In this post, I want to cover the “friend zone” in as much detail as humanly possible. You’re going to see why the concept exists, why you end up there, and how you can get out.

What Is The Friend Zone?

Simply put, the friend zone is where attraction goes to die.

When it comes to meeting the opposite sex we have two choices. Do we make friends with them or do we put on our game face and see if we can make sparks fly?

Excuse the generalization, but as a guy if we like a girl, we like a girl. It’s rare that we would put a girl in the friend zone if we were interested in them.

But for women, it’s different you see. They have a friend zone switch. And it can get turned on and turned off in a second. If they don’t have feelings for the guy or the guy lacks the confidence to pursue her, he could almost instantly land in the friend zone.

And when you’re in the friend zone. There’s almost no coming back. Her sexual desire turn off for you. At this point she basically views you as a brother. And no girl wants to have sex with her brother. (gross)

And on top of it all, it’s a manipulative place to be. No, she’s not manipulating you. You’re manipulating her! You’re lying to her by taking the back door into a relationship, hoping that one day she will see you as a lover. At this point you’re tricking her into spending time with you. That’s not the way a healthy relationship starts out.

Why Are You In The Friend Zone?

Turns out, there are three main reasons why nice guys like you end up in the friend zone. If I had a dollar for every time I was in the friend zone, I would go out right now and get the new iPhone.

If you want to have a chance in avoiding the BFF status, you have to nail fix all three of these at the same time, so read closely. Every guy is in the friend zone for one or more of the below reasons.

Reason #1: Your intentions aren’t clear.

You wouldn’t believe how many guys I’ve coached in the past who wind up in this situation.

They say something like this:

“Tripp, I’ve been friends with this really hot girl for almost a year now. I’ve been waiting and waiting for everything to fall into place, but it’s like she doesn’t even know I’m interested! What can I do?”

My response is always:

“Well, did you ever tell her you’re interested?”

Usually, the answer is a resounding “no.”

How is a woman supposed to know you’re into her if you’re just acting like a brother? If you treat her like a sister, why on earth would she suspect that you’re interested?

Why do guys struggle with making their intentions clear? Well, that brings us to the next point.

Reason #2: You’re terrified of rejection.

That fear will always stop you dead in your tracks from asking her out.

“She’ll never say yes.”

“If she turns me down, I’ll be so embarrassed.”

“I just have to wait until the perfect time.”

Well, guess what? You know how many cute girls you’ll date if you’re afraid of rejection?

You want the cold hard truth? Chances are that she will reject you. But guess what? That’s not a bad thing! Most girls over the course of your dating experience will reject you or you will reject them. It doesn’t work out with every single person you meet. That’s just dating.

Rejection is feared by many but it should be embraced by all. When you get rejected it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. Instead it just means you’re not doing it right and there’s room for improvement. And that is all.

Improvement you’re asking? Improve what? Let’s go to reason #3.

Reason #3: You haven’t sparked attraction.

It boils down to this: if she doesn’t see you as a potential mate, then she’ll see you as a friend. Plain and simple.

The best way to avoid and escape the friend zone is by sparking attraction. With women, attraction isn’t logical. It’s not a choice, as famous dating coach David DeAngelo has once said. They don’t wake up one day and say, “yes, I do like him!”

What you have to do is make her feel something. There’s no convincing. There’s no argument. There’s no pleading. You need to turn the attraction switch on. Let’s talk about how to do that.

How To Avoid The Friend Zone

Don’t be her friend. That’s the answer.

But how?

You want to be a sexual threat to her. She needs to understand that when she’s around you that you are going to be pursuing her.

You want to know the difference between friendship and sexual relationships?

One word: Tension.

There’s no tension in a friendship. None. However, when you’re with a girl and you’re building attraction, tension is the name of the game.

How do we do this as a man?

You BE a man.

Because BEING a man is what emits masculinity and when a woman feels a strong masculine presence, she gets turned on. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the opposite.

When you’re turned on by a woman and feel an urge to talk to her, you’re being stimulated by her femininity. Her curves, her breasts, her scent, her hair, her feminine walk, her higher pitched voice, her hips…etc. And you want to have sex with her when you feel and see this, right?

The same happens when a woman gets a chance at feeling your masculinity. Because when the polarity between masculine and feminine hits, attraction is sparked.

How do we do this?

We do this by leading the interaction, having strong masculine body language, and being challenging.

Leading the interaction means that you are in control of the situations. You start the conversation. You ask the girl out. You pick the spot. You start being physical when you want to start being physical. You MAKE THE DECISION.

Masculine body language means you stand face-to-face/shoulder-to-shoulder with her, stand with your tallest posture, look her in the eye and speak from your diaphragm. That is how you emit your physical masculinity.

Being a challenge means not being so easy to get. Don’t manipulate your schedule in order to make sure you can see her. Play little games of “push/pull” to build the sexual tension. You can tease her for being a nerd (push), but you can also tell her you want to see her again (pull).

Lastly, you have to stop caring if you lose her.

Wait, what? How is that even possible?

“Tripp, I don’t want to screw up our friendship by asking her out!”

Well, that’s a risk you simply have to take. Imagine three scenarios after you ask her out:

• She thinks you’re weird and never wants to talk to you again

• She says no, and you remain friends

• She says yes, and becomes your girlfriend

Think the first scenario is scary?

In my opinion, if a girl thinks you’re creepy or weird, or freaks out in this situation, she was a pretty bad friend to begin with. You’ve saved yourself a ton of time and cut a toxic person out of your life.

If she says no and you can mutually agree to remain friends, great! Now you can focus on available women.

Of course, she could also say yes. So what originally looked like a bad outcome, a good one and a neutral one really turn out to be three positive outcomes.

So what do you really have to lose by being courageous? Nothing. You ALWAYS win.

Is there any way to claw yourself out of the friend zone once you’re already there? Let’s discuss.

How To Escape The Friend Zone

Time for a little more honesty: getting out of the Friend Zone is difficult. It’s way harder than avoiding it in the first place.

It’s still possible, though.

Let’s examine the traits of the average “friend-zoned nice guy”, and look at how we can reverse the damage.

First of all, guys who are in the friend zone are always available. When she calls, texts, or shows up crying at your doorstep, you’re there to fix her problems. You’re basically like one of her female friends, except you don’t have the luxury of telling her your problems. It’s one-sided.

So, at this point you have two options.

  1. Risk the friendship by building attraction
  2. Stay friends with her for social proof

Let’s start with #1.

Just telling her that you like her is has a very slim chance of working. Like I said earlier, attraction is not a choice. Just because you say that doesn’t mean she will instantly like you back. So instead we have to play the game.

You can try to build attraction, but if it doesn’t work then you might lose her as a friend. If you’re okay with that then let’s go with my 3-step process.

Step 1) Make Yourself Scarce

Stop responding to her messages. Don’t rush to bring her carryout when she’s running late for dinner. Don’t be an emotional sponge for her problems 24/7.

Instead, make her wonder. Make her wonder where you are, what you’re doing, why you aren’t answering.

This uncertainty will turn to fear, and could gradually become a spark of desire.

Step 2) Work On Your Reinvention & Attraction Building Skills

It’s not just about “being scarce”. But, you actually need to create your own life. In fact, build a lifestyle that a woman would want to be part of. Keep busy doing interesting things, instead of pining after one woman who doesn’t even like you yet.

Get into the gym. Buy some nice clothes. Get passionate about your work. Make friends that do the things you like. Actually keep busy instead of feigning it. Hell, you might not even care about her at this point because you’re off doing cool shit. However, when she does come back in, she will see how much fun you’re having and will (hopefully) want to be part of it.

What I am really trying to do here is get you far away from the idea of her as possible, so you can build up your own life and meet more women. Ideally, I would like you to be working on building your attraction skills. You should be meeting other women and practicing approaching and talking to other girls. That way, you can see how many other women there are and you can live an abundant life, rather than zoning in on one girl.

Step 3) The Seduction

Remember when I said that a woman wants to be with a MAN? And do you remember when I outlined above how to do that? Well, this is where we use this stuff. It’s time to show her your masculinity and start building sexual tension.

The easiest way to do this is by pretending like anything in the past with you and her never happened and this is a completely new girl. Don’t think of her as your “friend” but a woman you want to pursue and sleep with. This will spark the desire that she needs to feel attracted.

Give her a call (or wait for hers if she’s still regularly contacting you) and start building attraction. When you see her, lead the interaction, emit masculine body language, use some push/pull and break the touch barrier. Yes, touch her. Don’t be afraid to spin her around, give her a hug, or even give her a kiss.

Remember this, a woman’s reality is in the moment. She’s not thinking logically about what happened 3 months ago when you first hung out. If she feels your masculinity in the moment at hand, she will start to feel something for you.

Furthermore, you can introduce her to some of the new girls you’ve met over the course of the 3 months you’ve moved on and create a jealousy plot line. This is going to show her that you are liked by other girls and gets her thinking about you on a non-sexual level. Bring your new girlfriends (even if they are just friends) around when you see her again. Watch what happens when she knows you’ve been spending time with other women.

Let’s move on to your second option: Stay friends with her for social proof.

WARNING: Staying friends still might be difficult for you because in the back of your head you may think you still have a chance. If these feelings still stick around and you can’t truly be friends with her then I would move on and find new, real friends.

Now, if you can handle being friends with her then this is a great opportunity to meet new hot girls with whom you can build attraction.

There’s a theory created by Mystery, one of the most famous pickup artists in the world, called pre-selection. It’s the idea that a woman will be attracted to you if she knows you are “pre-selected” by another woman. It’s like a secret code between females. If a girl sees you with another girl (or girls) then she must think there’s something about you that got you with the girl she sees you with.

This new friend of yours can help you demonstrate pre-selection. Go out with her to the bars. Take her around to introduce you to her friends. Take advantage of this friendship so you can get easier access to girls you can build attraction with.

Demolishing The Friend Zone

Remember, it’s way easier to avoid the Friend Zone than escape from it.

The best news is that these tips will help you create a positive feedback loop when it comes to dating. Meaning…

  • You will avoid the friend zone the next time you approach a girl
  • Instead of fantasizing about her for months, you have a meaningful relationship
  • You approach another woman. She turns you down. Instead of falling into her orbit and settling for friendship, you use what you’ve learned to stay positive and find someone worthwhile

Really, once you’ve gone through this process at least once, you’re basically getting a vaccine against Friend-Zoneitis. You’ll be immune, because you know the grass really is greener on the other side—you’ve been there before.

I hope these tips have demystified the friend zone a bit. While the phenomenon is an emotional black hole for many men, I’m confident you can escape its pull.

Be strong, be courageous, be direct, and get the girl.

 

  • Misha

    What about the reverse… When you are the girl and you think he likes you but he’s not making a move. I don’t want to be the agressor and scare him off but what if I am really the one that has been friend zoned. How do I know for sure?

    • There’s one way to know for sure. Make a move.

  • “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
    – Albert Einstein

    • Exactly Will.

      • mica crum

        Tripp I need help I’m in 7th grade and I like this girl she is a tomboy, and a Steelers fan, and I’m a Broncos fan, but when every time somebody insults her team she gets aggressive, and I have her for math, and I have her for math, and science suck at math I don’t want to make her think I’m a stupid guy what do I do ?

        • Tripp Advice is for adults only. You may want to speak with an older friend that you trust. Thank you.

  • NickMcDell

    Tripp i need help urgently!

    • Tell her someone else wants to know if she has a boyfriend. That way you’re not putting yourself on the line. Then wait to make a move. Good luck.

      • NickMcDell

        thanks tripp

        • You’re welcome.

          • cero

            actually if she doesnt like the person in the line she might lie 😀 hehe so maybe not a good idea. I would just ask like ” and, how is it going with your friend? everything cool? that doesnt put you in the line either and its YOU that wants to know 🙂 just my 2 cents.

          • Thanks for the 2 cents. I would ask, if she doesn’t like the person and might lie, then what’s the difference? Would there be any point to asking then? Not really. 😉

  • Mimi

    Tripp! I need help! I’m a GIRL and I found your blog and I majorly need help w/this guy I dated super happily for 45 days and then boom friend zoned but he still goes out on dates w/me holds my hands interlocking fingers, puts his arm around me when we go on dates, hugs me, has only kissed me twice since our “dating” ended and currently he comes over to my house 2-3x a week, we speak daily through texts mostly or calls throughout the day from morning until he goes to bed. Almost every night he sends an emoji kiss. He stays at my house late for game night w/my friends or stays to watch a TV show with me (Game of Thrones every sunday or any other show we are watching together or just movie nights). We still go out to fancy restaurants. Sometimes he pays sometimes I pay depending on how we are for money sometimes we split it no specific order. He’s met my whole family and while they were on vacation he stayed w/me for 3 days, he’s gone on trips w/me AFTER the breakup… so how do I get things going again and back up to how they were the first 45 days???!! 🙁 He ended a serious relationship of 3.5 yrs back in February and we met and began dating in March but by mid april he cut things off w/me and said he couldn’t date me at that moment he needed to be alone and the only thing he could offer me was friendship at the moment and I could take it or leave it. When I asked about the future to see if it was worth sticking around, he said he didn’t know the future that perhaps he would be interested again in dating me but at that moment he could just be friends. He trusts me w/info such as his credit card numbers, social security number, and we have a very intimate connection YET we do not have any sex or kissing or fondling. Strictly holding hands!! We had AMAZING sex the first 45 days so how do we go from hot to cold wth??? Sighs… I am hoping that there’s a fix to this and I’m also ready to hear it from u if it’s best to cut this whole thing off. BTW he loves my cooking which has turned out to happen more and more weekly when I don’t cook for him he complains… misses it… in return he often brings me food to work or takes me out for lunch after work. 2 days ago he stated “What if I told you that I didn’t like you shirts that show off all that cleavage?” (cause i have big boobs and posted a racy pic on social media….) also at the gym he’s randomly popped up to my class just to say hi pulled me away from the circle… as to mark his territory for others to see that some dude is there for me. On a separate instance came to the gym and wouldn’t leave my side and took me out to lunch that day. So what gives? He wants to be friends but behaves like boyfriend, I want OUT of the friend zone! He’s 30, and I”m 32. Please help!!

    • There’s a saying that goes “We get what we tolerate.” And you are tolerating a guy who wants what he wants from you without him having to give more than he wants. If he wants the benefits that being a boyfriend entails, then he should BE your boyfriend. Or if he really just wants to be friends, then YOU need to set the boundaries and make it clear, that people who are just friends do not do this, and that if he wants to do this or ask that of you, then he will have to settle for an actual friendship. Like I said, “We get what we tolerate.” And if you tolerate a guy who wants to have his cake and eat it too, without having to clean it up or pay for it, then that’s what you will get. Hope this helps for now and good luck.

  • Andrew W Clarke

    Hey Tripp I’m Andy I have a unique problem that I could use some help with I’m in a wheelchair and have service dog any way I could email you so we could talk more private

  • Stefan

    Hey Tripp, great job you are doing here! Well done! Can I mail you, I need you urgently. I will try to be short as possible 🙂 . Thank you!

  • SixR

    Hey Tripp I have a very bad problem that needs your guidence is there some way I can talk to you privately about it and ask you my question and tell you my story?

  • Antonio Mais

    I am living proof of the friendzone, its not a place any straight man deserves to be. Avoid it at all cost.

    • Or better yet, don’t let being in the friend zone effect you and get you down.

  • Jason Oueiss

    Thanx bro i am going to try it today

    • Great to hear!

      • Jason Oueiss

        thx bro it’s working

  • rajdirgh

    Grt suggestion bro… Bt tell me what talks makes it more intersting…

    • Things that you have in common with her or things that she is interested in.

      • cero

        yes i can absolutly agree with this answer. We discuss about things we both interested in (at work, about work and also about the food we like when we have a break together) and also try not be too funny. Its a big turn off believe me. Try to get her out of her comfort zone without beeing too confusing to her. Always be confident with what you say and how you say. Thats my tips i can give you. Again sry for my bad english 😀

        • Thanks for the tips. Btw, your English is just fine to me.

          • cero

            Cheers Tripp

  • cero

    It’s funny but I know a girl at my work that has a boyfriend and when i started out this new job, I never thought of her beeing my dream girl or so hence not beeing interested in her. The more i worked there, beeing successfull in my job the more she liked me i noticed until we met and went out in the club one evening. We danced, had fun, drank together but no word on relationship. Im very carefull since shes my colleage. However i must admit that i like her more than she thinks i do and i havent let her know yet. She even baked a cake for me and brought it to the office 🙂 i was really supprised. Well I mean im a bit confused because Im not sure about all this situation. When we were in the club she looked into my eyes more than once and gave me some signs that she is willing to go further but then again i think about her friend. She once told me that she is not happy in her relationship. Not directly but she said something like we are always having a fight and things like that. I dont know the specifics and i dint ask. As always i stayed neutral. She knows i have a girlfriend and she know I like her as a friend. Basicly im beeing a nice guy but still someone who knows what he wants. In my job im taken serious and people like me. There is really no one who doesnt like me. My boss likes me and so do everyone. Im so confused at the moment because im really feeling in love with her but i just cant tell her. Atleast not yet 🙂 also i dont want to mess it up. The funny thing is i like beiing friend with her and going out to the club. Another colleage of mine tried to date her but she rejected him haha. He always complains about the work and basicly he is very negative. I realise that beeing positve is very attractive atleast to this girl i know 🙂 Im a happy person and happy people are attractive. Well i will see how it goes in future and write more. Sry for my terrible english but any tips are welcome 🙂

    • Hi Cero. Thanks for sharing your story. My first tips would be to not allow yourself to be so taken with a girl who has a boyfriend. If a girl is in a relationship, happy or not, you are setting yourself up for confusion, disappointment and failure by allowing yourself to be interested in her. There are more things I could add like saying that you’re in love with her while also wanting to be her friend at the club. If you don’t decide which you want, then she will decide for you, and it probably won’t be then you want. But for now, she has a boyfriend. You can do better than being interested in a girl who is in a relationship. And if you don’t think you can, or you’re still interested, then you have bigger challenges to deal with.

  • cero

    I should also add that she didnt tell my colleage that she is in a relationship which is weird. The poor guy is probably pissed off now.

    • Stop looking at the crumbs under the table when there’s entire meals for you at the table.

      • cero

        I totally agree 😉

  • Jesus Manuel Colin

    Hey Tripp, there’s a girl I’ve been crazy for almost 2 years now. I know it’s sick and time wasting. But recently one of our mutual friends broke up with his girlfriend and now him and my crush have a thing. It’s crazy but if he got out then I believe I can too. This guy I described seems cool but there’s a lot of things that he did that are not exactly what you described in the re invention. I’m wondering if I should just 100% give up or if I should just apply your tips because chances are this is just a fling. They hang out a lot right now! Thanks Tripp!

    • Two years is too long to make a move. Not to mention, if her getting with your friend gets you excited about your chances with her, then it’s definitely time to meet some new girls.

  • Kevin L

    Hello Tripp i met a girl on IG and kept talking to her for a while then after like 2-3 months talking to her we finally went out for some drinks(she paid everything) as my first date I didn’t do much like flirting with her and stuff like that we just had normal conovs & after some time i went out with her again last week, then things start to get a bit more better she was telling me like everything like how many times she had sex. How many times she was in relationships but i wasn’t trying to hit her bc i was a little nervous i just told her things like your cute a nice girl and thats it.. Theres was time where she told me your nice too bc i ”asked her what do you think about me” but i think she got some feelings about me she keeps sending me hearts and shit like this … So afterall I didn’t get to kiss her or something.. Now im going out with her again.. Then I would like to know what i did wrong and how can i make her feel me and get this FUCKING girl lol.. Thanks man hope to hear from u 🙂 🙂

    • If she’s going out with you again, you probably didn’t did something wrong. If you had, she would not agree to going out with you again. But you might want to stop being so “nice” to her before it’s too late.

  • VB

    Hey tripp, I have a friend who I used to like, but never had the balls to go after. So for a few months, I followed her around (secretly) like a puppy. Then, I gave up. I didn’t lose interest per sé, I just couldn’t want to chase her anymore. So I forced myself to get over her. But a few days back, I realized her birthday was coming up and I started chatting with her in an effort to try to figure out a good gift for her.
    Then, it hit me. By it, I mean the raw attraction I had for her, stronger than ever before.
    She was depressed about her birthday cause she thought none of her friends were going to be there for her etc, and I calmed her down. In this whole deal, I unintentionally blabbed that I liked her.
    Now I don’t know what the hell is going on. Every time we speak, she thinks I’m joking about liking her. I mean there is definitely some sort of spark, no matter how tiny. I push and pull her, just like you mentioned, and I make her laugh to no end. I’m one of the few people on this earth who can make her laugh. Our conversations are real, raw, and have an almost flirty back and forth feel to them.
    But those are just momentary. Then she goes back to that mode of disbelief.
    This is driving me crazy. Please advise.
    Regards,
    Lost soul

    • You need to ask her out and stop doing things that make her not believe you or think you’re joking. I get why you use “push/pull” but stop doing that for now and make your intentions clear so you know where you stand and what to do next. Get out of the friend zone now or you’ll stay there forever. Good luck.

      • VB

        Thanks a lot Tripp. I want to ask her out, but I face two dilemmas, the first one being I don’t even know what to say when asking her out.
        And anyway, I don’t think she believes I’m joking anymore, I think it finally clicked in her.
        By the way, I am a big fan, thanks for giving me this opportunity to converse with you.
        Regards,
        Lost soul

        • You say whatever you want to ask her out. If you want to have a coffee with her to chat, ask “Would you like to go to Starbucks?” If you want to go drink with her you ask, “Want to grab a drink somewhere?” Keep it light, simple and direct.

  • Alex

    Hi Tripp,
    I have become a best friend with a girl I really like. All stared almost a year ago and in that time she had a boyfriend and that’s the reason I didn’t started to flirt or trying her to like me. But I was with her talking, smiling, having fun, and we became best friends. She is single now.

    I am really confident when I am with her, I can make her smile and I am not scary at all to talk to her, but I don’t flirt with her. Can you give me an advice. Do I even have any chance with her or I am really in “friendzone” dead-end? Can I make her like me? And how to do that? If you tell me to do that: How should I touch her? What should I say to her? I would be happy if you can explain me with examples. Or should I just tell her that I like her?

    I have decided that I really don’t want to be friends with her, I want her to be my girlfriend and nothing less so I can’t do this anymore and this needs to change. I can say that she is really mature, regardless she is in high school, and I am not like the coolest guy there, but I am in good high status.

    I will be very grateful if you would recommend me some of your other videos where you give advices how to flirt with a girl you think that might be helpful when it’s up to my situation. I explained my situation briefly, I’ll give you more details it you need them.

    At last, I will give you what I think I should do, and you can also tell me if you agree with me. I think I do have a chance with her. Yeah I am in friendzone, but that doesn’t matter. My friends tell me I don’t have any chance, but I think I could make her like me if I try hard. I think persistence pays off.

    Thanks in advance! :))

    • Hi Alex. There’s 2 playlists that I would highly recommend for you right now. They are “How to avoid the friend zone” and “How to touch a girl”. Watch the former first to learn what you need to stop doing and the latter to learn what you need to start doing. Try to escalate things with her slowly and naturally and do more “date like” things to make your relationship with her more exclusive and romantic and see if she reciprocates. This is the ideal situation. Now if she doesn’t, or if she even says that she just wants to be “friends”, then you’ll have a decision to make; remain friends with her (and don’t try to secretly continue to get into a romantic relationship like most guys do) or take the upfront and direct approach and tell her how you feel and what you want. Hope that helps and good luck.

  • Dan

    Hey Tripp

    I like this girl who has a boyfriend and am hoping to somehow win her over. I asked if we could meet up some time, she said her boyfriend is not to keen and then asked if it’s only as friends. In a panic I replied “yes of course”. I have a feeling I’ve screwed up but still have a desire to have her. I know it may be unethical but is there a way to steal her from him?

    • I don’t help people with things like that. And if you think it’s ok and “all’s fair in love and war”, then my advice isn’t for you. My advice is for mature and intelligent guys who are trying to create the dating life they want, and know better than to do things like that. You have some growing up and learning to do and I hope you get started soon because nobody likes a rat.

      • Dan

        Your right Im sorry, jealousy blinded me i guess. I love your advice and will apply it in life. I know it’s a crapy move that i considered but i guess I am just jealous, i am gonna try meet some new people. Who knows maybe I will find someone better.

  • Ram

    Hi Tripp,
    I met a girl on a train and we hit it off instantly, or so I thought. I joined her on a trip to a European city and then I asked her out for dinner. She agreed to it but stated that it was not to be considered a date, because she believed in not labeling things as long as one is having fun. I thought it to be fair enough but was a bit disappointed. She did mention that she agreed to having dinner because she found me interesting. We had an amazing time in that city and exchanged numbers and other social media details.

    We texted each other a few times after that and I called her a few times over a period of 2 months. I finally had the time to visit her for a weekend in her city. I visited her place and she showed me around the enchanting city. She introduced me to few of her friends and we had a great party at her place. I told the girl that I really liked her and that it would be amazing to go out with her on a date sometime. She was taken aback by that and seemed confused.

    She informed me that she had been dating a guy from university for a few weeks but broke up a couple of weeks prior to the weekend we met. She seemed to be struggling to move on from that and told me that she was not looking forward to dating anyone right now. But, she did say that she found me to be an amazing friend and didn’t want to mess things up. She told me that we could discuss this again some time later. I’m not sure if that was a polite way of rejecting my approach or if I really could discuss that again sometime in the future. I really like this girl and enjoy her company. Do you advice me to move on or maybe discuss this again with her while staying in contact.

    • You’re deep in the friend zone and she’s leading you on. Don’t hang on to threads and keep your fingers crossed hoping that someday will come and she’ll be yours. The sooner you let this one go and find a girl who knows what she wants, the better.

  • Howard Bond

    Hey Tripp! First and foremost I want to say thank you for your excellent and frankly inspiring blog, youtube videos and spot on advice. I’ve learnt a lot from them and aim to be as chilled as you, that’s the dream man haha.

    I mean I’m often told I’m a gentleman and tbh as I have gained more experience and continued to work on me in life, I do notice women are interested. I just seem to require a bit more luck with timing in terms of meeting them when I’m in a position to date with regards to work, moving country, etc. Also when they are single. I have been using your tips though and have found my inner confident james bond like self coming out which tbh is who I am, just here in the uk, it’s a bit more difficult sometimes to ascertain signals from women, especially if you know them.

    I have a question on a female friend. My thing is I met her about 5 years ago (hear me out first haha!) back at university when I was outgoing, but less experienced than today and before I discovered Trippadvice. Tbh the moment I saw her I thought she was really cute and she is genuinely sweet/a nice girl. She happened to be in my assigned group on a master’s course. I think the fact that I didn’t know whether she was single (it turned out later she did indeed have a boyfriend already anyhow), the stress of exams etc put me off overtly hitting on her and in those days I was bit subconscious of how to hit on her in front of others. I mean she did do things like ask me out of everyone to show her how to bowl in a group activity one day, and I kinda felt like on may occasions whether by text or in person, there was “something” there. I often joked how she often beat me at stuff, though she often professes that for her, I’m on top. She admired my presenting style/energy/charming self I suppose.

    Anyhow, other than being my fairly witty/flirty self, I didn’t hit on her too much I guess. She kept in touch after graduation, and made it a point to invite me to things, especially since shortly after she emigrated for work, so whenever she visited, it was a point to see me. She seemed to always be super excited to hear from me by text (occasionally like every month or so) and asks me so many questions it’s crazy. I found out on one visit she became single last year (but she was here for 2 hours so..). I did meet her alone that day by luck.

    I tended to text her flirty stuff on her birthday or special occasions like Christmas. Probably upped that when she became single, but of course distance was a factor so I didn’t take it too seriously. However she did tell me around march time she was moving back here in october to the uk and seemed pretty excited about it and about seeing me more often etc. Texted me on landing as well btw. I actually was on a work trip just around when she returned and she texted me whilst I was abroad to ask when I’m back.

    Yet when I’m back, despite a fairly keen text from her, I think I did say something like I’m welcoming you back, my treat and it kinda faded out a bit. We still don’t live in the same city btw. She has texted me again asking me about if I’m free when she’s visiting the capital in january time. I mean I have to commute there as well, I’m kinda wondering how to ask/convey attraction in terms of meeting her preferably alone the first time round since I primarily want to see her for a meal and either just us for say bowling (now she’s single, do the arm move) or group activity if she is in town for friends?

    To be clear I have been working on myself and meeting others where I can. Bit difficult though since I’ve moved out of the capital to run a startup and help my folks way out in the UK’s equivalent of the midwest. But I did text another mutual friend of ours (a female) in the interim and meet up with her (actually come to think of it, it was just us, was that a date?!) I mean that text conversation went pretty smoothly and it was a fantastic day/evening out. Also been texting other women of course and actually bumped into someone from the past and just somehow had a flirty conversation on the spot.

    What I’m trying to ask is, (and thanks for bearing with me, you’re awesome), is in this case when a girl was not single when you met her, but something/the spark is there or potentially there, what can you do at this point now she is single and also with the caveat she’s back??

    I want to flirt more, it’s just I’m not sure I can necessarily date as easily as I could back when we lived in the same place. Also I do kinda feel this odd butterfly/affection for her, so obviously nerves come into play versus a new girl who I just think what the hell and go for it and talk. Any intimacy would be welcomed, but I’m a bit nervous how to subtly convey that I like her (I would have thought it obvious), also I’m confused how to know whether she knows I do, I thought women had a sixth sense?

    Any advice would be appreciated! Once again you rock and I look forward to your sage like, epic wisdom Sir Tripp?

    • Ask her out. This will let her know you’re interested and her answer will let you know if she is as well.

  • hamza

    hey Tripp I have my cousin and I told her that I like her and and she said no I don’t feel that we are friends please help me I don’t want end in friendzone please help

    • You should talk to her parents, your aunt and uncle about it. See what they say.

  • Troy

    Hi Tripp,
    I have know this girl for about 5 years at work. About 4 months ago we started seeing each other about 2 times a week anything from going out to staying home and cooking so I have no problem seeing her one on one. She says she feels safe and comfortable with me. She shows all the normal signs of being Interested like( watching me,smiling at me when I talk to her,and she will text me if I’m not at work to check on me) she also told me her mother likes me and that I am super sweet. Sometimes she make the comment “I hope the person I like will wait for me” we do hug goodbye everytime we see each other but there is no other physical contact. She makes up excuses to talk to me at work also. So about two months ago I asked her if she would like to go out on a date and she said that she only liked me as a friend. So the last two months I have been completely ignoring her and she will text me once in awhile to see how I am. We happened to run into each other at work today and she asked how I was I told her I have just been really busy. She said she missed talking to me and had been really busy also but may she was going to have more free time. She has told a co work of mine that she likes me and one night I was on date and ran into her and she started crying. I am retired military so I am pretty alpha already.im working on the three steps right now.i just really don’t know where this girl is coming from. I was thinking about the next time I see her away from work telling her I don’t want to be deceitful and still I’m interested in her more than a friend and just moving on if things don’t work out. Do you have any advice.also I know she is single

    • It sounds like she might be interested and made the friend comment because she wasn’t sure at the time. I suggest keeping it simple and asking her out on another date. If she has feelings for you, she will say yes, and if she doesn’t, she’ll let you know. Don’t let a girl’s confusion cause you to be confused. Keep doing what you’re doing because it sounds like you’re doing all the right things.

      • Troy

        Thank you Tripp her birthday is coming up and we made plans for me to cook her dinner than I am taking here to a large concert that I am running the production for so it should be fun

  • shubham shah

    Hey Tripp there is a girl whom I have been friends with for past 4 months and she is the first ever girl who talks with me so much…..And I have hanged out with her quite a bit but at the same moment there were some other friends too….I have feelings for and I don’t know how to express it….Bcoz she is the only one I want to be with….And I don’t want to get rejected…..I think the only element missing in me is that I am not a funny joke telling person…Please suggest me a way abt what should I do….I don’t want to get friend zoned

    • Ask her to have dinner with you somewhere. This small invitation does everything you want, keeps you out of the friend zone, let’s her know how you feel, and it will be only you and her. Good luck.

  • Patrick Oneshot

    Hey tripp I have been dating this lovely girl for about 4 years now and things were going on fine between us … We were like best buddies and lovers cuz we hang out most of the time always there for her whenever and wherever she needed me until recently she told me she wants to pause the sex between us as understanding as I always been I agreed to let her have her way a few weeks after this she tells me she doesn’t feel the same way about me as she used to when we started going out… I really love this girl and I don’t know what to do to make things fall back into order

    • Watch my video called “The Ultimate Guide To Getting Your Ex-Girlfriend Back”. Good luck.

  • Shan

    Hey Tripp, i have been friendzoned with a girl. i have sexual feeling towards her .but she is not considering my feeling towards her. we are so close and we do dirty text and phone calls . but she is not really interested to do it in reality with me .how to make her sexually attracted towards me. should i even say that i want to sleep with her. how to make her consider me as a sexual being than being in friendzoned

    • Change the dynamic of the relationship by behaving like a sexually confident man.

  • rami ateka

    Hi tripp. So there’s this new girl in my MMA training class that i really find pretty and attractive. I just need some advices on how to really start a conversation with her and making her want to talk to me even more. ( Make her willing to go out with me if i ask her). Thanks tripp 👍

  • Amol

    Hey tripp, i love the girl which i want to be a part of my life,even she knows that i like her, but how can i tell her that I LIKE HER and to proceed further…even we hang out together so how to proceed further n approach her so that she will take more intrest in me

    • Don’t blurt it out like most guys do and blow their chances with her. That’s why I teach what I do everyday on my Youtube channel. Go watch it and learn how.

      • Amol

        Hey tripp now that girl knows very well that i love her, but she is telling me that she likes the another guy, and should i move on with him or not? Basically i dont know why she asked me like this? N is she wants to know
        my decision out for her or anything else…

  • Charles

    Hi Tripp

    I recently told a friend I’ve known for 7 years I really like her. She just said “SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING BECAUSE I NEVER SAID ANYTHING”. She told me she was dating someone (and that she didn’t even know how it happened). I asked her if she ever thought about dating me and she said that on the first year we met she thought that a lot.

    She also told me she didn’t wanted to date somewone who knew her in her last relationship because she remembers her ex. But It seemed to me she is interested, I mean she was very open, she laughed when i told her that I believe she likes me.

    I’ve invited her many times (most times she has other plans and cancels. But we have been in contact and hanged out. She doesn’t like to be invited (she always wants to split the bill). She is not a touchy person, neither do i, but i have passed the touch barrier (touching her on the back, just above her butt, hugs, shoulders, kisses only on her cheeks).

    Two days after I told her she likes me, she texted me to ask my about my sports team.

    I believe she is confused after her breakup and wants to experience something different. Should I go for it as fast as I can or giver her some time/space?

    • Charles, it does not sound like you are in the friend zone yet so I would say, go for it.

  • Tiernan Alderman

    Ive liked a girl for a few months and I finally had the guts to ask her out. She wanted some friends to come too which I was ok with. Then she told me she didn’t want it to count as a date but more as a hangout. She said she doesn’t have any feelings for me right now but she doesn’t know if some might develop. I hope she does start to like me since I’ve.liked her for a while. Any advice?

    Also if it helps I am only 16 and just want a girlfriend not for sex or anything. Sex comes after you get married so I’m not looking for that but more just a normal girlfriend. Thanks

    • You’re in the friend zone with this girl. First thing, watch my vids on how to stay out of the friend zone with girls so this doesn’t happen again and snap out of it with this girl. She rejected you in a bunch of different ways and you’re still clinging to the hope that she’ll change her mind. Don’t put yourself through the cycle of getting rejected, not taking a hint, trying again and getting disappointed. Get to know more girls and don’t get stuck in the “she’s the only one for me” limited mentality.

  • Todor Popovic

    Hi Tripp
    I like this girl for few months and we started to flirt and everything was going great. Then i heard that she doesn’t see me in that way and loves me like a friend. I got the “best friend” status but she is still flirting with me even though she got boyfriend a week ago. I started to go out more and it doesn’t hurt me the fact that she has a boyfriend and she is not into me. What should i do? Should i tell her that i used to have feelings for her (i still have but i don’t wanna reveal that much to her) or should i just stay friends with her and move on without telling her a thing?

    • You need to watch all my videos, listen to my podcasts and get my courses. Because then you will learn how to get out of the friend zone and how to make a girl feel attraction for you. And you don’t do it by revealing your feelings for her which I’ve covered before. Now consider what you know; she likes you as a friend and she has a boyfriend. These mean she isn’t available. Expand your options today.

  • Friedrich Barbarossa

    Dear Tripp,
    I would also like to share my friendzone problem . My story is long , but I will be as succinct as possible.

    I met a girl at November 2015 . I fell in love from the first moment I saw her. She was (and still is) a high school student . I am a univesity student. I fall in love extremelly rarely and I feel that this girl is very important for me. Actually , I spend about 10 hours per day studying . I never invest time in anyone , except if he/she is really important for me.

    From November 2015 till November 2016 , she had been evading me . I asked her for a date dozens of times. When I say dozens , I mean it litterally , not metaphorically ! She always replied with “Yes” , but she always postponed the date . She postponed the date for more than a year. It was as if she enjoyed playing with me. However , during this year , we spent a lot of time chatting at facebook . (Of course , I was the one that sent messages first , but she always replied.) We gradually got to know each other.

    Finally , we had our first date . It lasted only 1 hour. But soon we had plenty of other dates. We spent a lot of time together during the following months ( I spent all of my very limited free time for her) and one day she told me that I was her best friend ! She also told me that she wanted to sleep with me !! (Only sleep , without doing sex) . As you can imagine , we had broken the “contact barrier” countless times.However,during these months , she had a lot of boyfriends and she even asked me for advice. She even used me to make her boyfriends jealous !

    Finally , by the end of March 2017 , I decided to reveal my intensions . She had broken up a week ago , so I assumed that the time was right . She told me that she doesn’t like my as a boyfriend , but she dosn’t want to loose me either.So she asked for 15 days to think . During these 15 days , she changed her mind many times. We even had a relationship for 5 days . But her final answer was “No” . It was not a strong no , but a “Not now” . She said that she liked another boy and that she is not ready for serious relationships right now. She also said that perhaps we could be together at some point in future .She asked me to remain her best friend , but I declined the offer.

    From April 2017 till May 2017 , we had been talking , but only for a couple of minutes per day . By the end of May , I told her that I need to study and that we will talk again in October because I am too busy . So we haven’t talked for a month now…

    What should I do?Any advice would be appreciated!