The Friend Zone Deconstructed: How Guys Get In It And 3 Steps To Get Out Of It

The Friend Zone.

That simple little phrase is enough to make men the world over pull their hair out in frustration.

It’s dating purgatory—oh-so-close to being on her radar, yet so very, very far away.

In this post, I want to cover the “friend zone” in as much detail as humanly possible. You’re going to see why the concept exists, why you end up there, and how you can get out.

What Is The Friend Zone?

Simply put, the friend zone is where attraction goes to die.

When it comes to meeting the opposite sex we have two choices. Do we make friends with them or do we put on our game face and see if we can make sparks fly?

Excuse the generalization, but as a guy if we like a girl, we like a girl. It’s rare that we would put a girl in the friend zone if we were interested in them.

But for women, it’s different you see. They have a friend zone switch. And it can get turned on and turned off in a second. If they don’t have feelings for the guy or the guy lacks the confidence to pursue her, he could almost instantly land in the friend zone.

And when you’re in the friend zone. There’s almost no coming back. Her sexual desire turn off for you. At this point she basically views you as a brother. And no girl wants to have sex with her brother. (gross)

And on top of it all, it’s a manipulative place to be. No, she’s not manipulating you. You’re manipulating her! You’re lying to her by taking the back door into a relationship, hoping that one day she will see you as a lover. At this point you’re tricking her into spending time with you. That’s not the way a healthy relationship starts out.

Why Are You In The Friend Zone?

Turns out, there are three main reasons why nice guys like you end up in the friend zone. If I had a dollar for every time I was in the friend zone, I would go out right now and get the new iPhone.

If you want to have a chance in avoiding the BFF status, you have to nail fix all three of these at the same time, so read closely. Every guy is in the friend zone for one or more of the below reasons.

Reason #1: Your intentions aren’t clear.

You wouldn’t believe how many guys I’ve coached in the past who wind up in this situation.

They say something like this:

“Tripp, I’ve been friends with this really hot girl for almost a year now. I’ve been waiting and waiting for everything to fall into place, but it’s like she doesn’t even know I’m interested! What can I do?”

My response is always:

“Well, did you ever tell her you’re interested?”

Usually, the answer is a resounding “no.”

How is a woman supposed to know you’re into her if you’re just acting like a brother? If you treat her like a sister, why on earth would she suspect that you’re interested?

Why do guys struggle with making their intentions clear? Well, that brings us to the next point.

Reason #2: You’re terrified of rejection.

That fear will always stop you dead in your tracks from asking her out.

“She’ll never say yes.”

“If she turns me down, I’ll be so embarrassed.”

“I just have to wait until the perfect time.”

Well, guess what? You know how many cute girls you’ll date if you’re afraid of rejection?

You want the cold hard truth? Chances are that she will reject you. But guess what? That’s not a bad thing! Most girls over the course of your dating experience will reject you or you will reject them. It doesn’t work out with every single person you meet. That’s just dating.

Rejection is feared by many but it should be embraced by all. When you get rejected it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. Instead it just means you’re not doing it right and there’s room for improvement. And that is all.

Improvement you’re asking? Improve what? Let’s go to reason #3.

Reason #3: You haven’t sparked attraction.

It boils down to this: if she doesn’t see you as a potential mate, then she’ll see you as a friend. Plain and simple.

The best way to avoid and escape the friend zone is by sparking attraction. With women, attraction isn’t logical. It’s not a choice, as famous dating coach David DeAngelo has once said. They don’t wake up one day and say, “yes, I do like him!”

What you have to do is make her feel something. There’s no convincing. There’s no argument. There’s no pleading. You need to turn the attraction switch on. Let’s talk about how to do that.

How To Avoid The Friend Zone

Don’t be her friend. That’s the answer.

But how?

You want to be a sexual threat to her. She needs to understand that when she’s around you that you are going to be pursuing her.

You want to know the difference between friendship and sexual relationships?

One word: Tension.

There’s no tension in a friendship. None. However, when you’re with a girl and you’re building attraction, tension is the name of the game.

How do we do this as a man?

You BE a man.

Because BEING a man is what emits masculinity and when a woman feels a strong masculine presence, she gets turned on. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the opposite.

When you’re turned on by a woman and feel an urge to talk to her, you’re being stimulated by her femininity. Her curves, her breasts, her scent, her hair, her feminine walk, her higher pitched voice, her hips…etc. And you want to have sex with her when you feel and see this, right?

The same happens when a woman gets a chance at feeling your masculinity. Because when the polarity between masculine and feminine hits, attraction is sparked.

How do we do this?

We do this by leading the interaction, having strong masculine body language, and being challenging.

Leading the interaction means that you are in control of the situations. You start the conversation. You ask the girl out. You pick the spot. You start being physical when you want to start being physical. You MAKE THE DECISION.

Masculine body language means you stand face-to-face/shoulder-to-shoulder with her, stand with your tallest posture, look her in the eye and speak from your diaphragm. That is how you emit your physical masculinity.

Being a challenge means not being so easy to get. Don’t manipulate your schedule in order to make sure you can see her. Play little games of “push/pull” to build the sexual tension. You can tease her for being a nerd (push), but you can also tell her you want to see her again (pull).

Lastly, you have to stop caring if you lose her.

Wait, what? How is that even possible?

“Tripp, I don’t want to screw up our friendship by asking her out!”

Well, that’s a risk you simply have to take. Imagine three scenarios after you ask her out:

• She thinks you’re weird and never wants to talk to you again

• She says no, and you remain friends

• She says yes, and becomes your girlfriend

Think the first scenario is scary?

In my opinion, if a girl thinks you’re creepy or weird, or freaks out in this situation, she was a pretty bad friend to begin with. You’ve saved yourself a ton of time and cut a toxic person out of your life.

If she says no and you can mutually agree to remain friends, great! Now you can focus on available women.

Of course, she could also say yes. So what originally looked like a bad outcome, a good one and a neutral one really turn out to be three positive outcomes.

So what do you really have to lose by being courageous? Nothing. You ALWAYS win.

Is there any way to claw yourself out of the friend zone once you’re already there? Let’s discuss.

How To Escape The Friend Zone

Time for a little more honesty: getting out of the Friend Zone is difficult. It’s way harder than avoiding it in the first place.

It’s still possible, though.

Let’s examine the traits of the average “friend-zoned nice guy”, and look at how we can reverse the damage.

First of all, guys who are in the friend zone are always available. When she calls, texts, or shows up crying at your doorstep, you’re there to fix her problems. You’re basically like one of her female friends, except you don’t have the luxury of telling her your problems. It’s one-sided.

So, at this point you have two options.

  1. Risk the friendship by building attraction
  2. Stay friends with her for social proof

Let’s start with #1.

Just telling her that you like her is has a very slim chance of working. Like I said earlier, attraction is not a choice. Just because you say that doesn’t mean she will instantly like you back. So instead we have to play the game.

You can try to build attraction, but if it doesn’t work then you might lose her as a friend. If you’re okay with that then let’s go with my 3-step process.

Step 1) Make Yourself Scarce

Stop responding to her messages. Don’t rush to bring her carryout when she’s running late for dinner. Don’t be an emotional sponge for her problems 24/7.

Instead, make her wonder. Make her wonder where you are, what you’re doing, why you aren’t answering.

This uncertainty will turn to fear, and could gradually become a spark of desire.

Step 2) Work On Your Reinvention & Attraction Building Skills

It’s not just about “being scarce”. But, you actually need to create your own life. In fact, build a lifestyle that a woman would want to be part of. Keep busy doing interesting things, instead of pining after one woman who doesn’t even like you yet.

Get into the gym. Buy some nice clothes. Get passionate about your work. Make friends that do the things you like. Actually keep busy instead of feigning it. Hell, you might not even care about her at this point because you’re off doing cool shit. However, when she does come back in, she will see how much fun you’re having and will (hopefully) want to be part of it.

What I am really trying to do here is get you far away from the idea of her as possible, so you can build up your own life and meet more women. Ideally, I would like you to be working on building your attraction skills. You should be meeting other women and practicing approaching and talking to other girls. That way, you can see how many other women there are and you can live an abundant life, rather than zoning in on one girl.

Step 3) The Seduction

Remember when I said that a woman wants to be with a MAN? And do you remember when I outlined above how to do that? Well, this is where we use this stuff. It’s time to show her your masculinity and start building sexual tension.

The easiest way to do this is by pretending like anything in the past with you and her never happened and this is a completely new girl. Don’t think of her as your “friend” but a woman you want to pursue and sleep with. This will spark the desire that she needs to feel attracted.

Give her a call (or wait for hers if she’s still regularly contacting you) and start building attraction. When you see her, lead the interaction, emit masculine body language, use some push/pull and break the touch barrier. Yes, touch her. Don’t be afraid to spin her around, give her a hug, or even give her a kiss.

Remember this, a woman’s reality is in the moment. She’s not thinking logically about what happened 3 months ago when you first hung out. If she feels your masculinity in the moment at hand, she will start to feel something for you.

Furthermore, you can introduce her to some of the new girls you’ve met over the course of the 3 months you’ve moved on and create a jealousy plot line. This is going to show her that you are liked by other girls and gets her thinking about you on a non-sexual level. Bring your new girlfriends (even if they are just friends) around when you see her again. Watch what happens when she knows you’ve been spending time with other women.

Let’s move on to your second option: Stay friends with her for social proof.

WARNING: Staying friends still might be difficult for you because in the back of your head you may think you still have a chance. If these feelings still stick around and you can’t truly be friends with her then I would move on and find new, real friends.

Now, if you can handle being friends with her then this is a great opportunity to meet new hot girls with whom you can build attraction.

There’s a theory created by Mystery, one of the most famous pickup artists in the world, called pre-selection. It’s the idea that a woman will be attracted to you if she knows you are “pre-selected” by another woman. It’s like a secret code between females. If a girl sees you with another girl (or girls) then she must think there’s something about you that got you with the girl she sees you with.

This new friend of yours can help you demonstrate pre-selection. Go out with her to the bars. Take her around to introduce you to her friends. Take advantage of this friendship so you can get easier access to girls you can build attraction with.

Demolishing The Friend Zone

Remember, it’s way easier to avoid the Friend Zone than escape from it.

The best news is that these tips will help you create a positive feedback loop when it comes to dating. Meaning…

  • You will avoid the friend zone the next time you approach a girl
  • Instead of fantasizing about her for months, you have a meaningful relationship
  • You approach another woman. She turns you down. Instead of falling into her orbit and settling for friendship, you use what you’ve learned to stay positive and find someone worthwhile

Really, once you’ve gone through this process at least once, you’re basically getting a vaccine against Friend-Zoneitis. You’ll be immune, because you know the grass really is greener on the other side—you’ve been there before.

I hope these tips have demystified the friend zone a bit. While the phenomenon is an emotional black hole for many men, I’m confident you can escape its pull.

Be strong, be courageous, be direct, and get the girl.


  • Misha

    What about the reverse… When you are the girl and you think he likes you but he’s not making a move. I don’t want to be the agressor and scare him off but what if I am really the one that has been friend zoned. How do I know for sure?

    • There’s one way to know for sure. Make a move.

  • “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
    – Albert Einstein

    • Exactly Will.

      • mica crum

        Tripp I need help I’m in 7th grade and I like this girl she is a tomboy, and a Steelers fan, and I’m a Broncos fan, but when every time somebody insults her team she gets aggressive, and I have her for math, and I have her for math, and science suck at math I don’t want to make her think I’m a stupid guy what do I do ?

        • Tripp Advice is for adults only. You may want to speak with an older friend that you trust. Thank you.

  • NickMcDell

    Tripp i need help urgently!

    • Tell her someone else wants to know if she has a boyfriend. That way you’re not putting yourself on the line. Then wait to make a move. Good luck.

      • NickMcDell

        thanks tripp

        • You’re welcome.

          • cero

            actually if she doesnt like the person in the line she might lie 😀 hehe so maybe not a good idea. I would just ask like ” and, how is it going with your friend? everything cool? that doesnt put you in the line either and its YOU that wants to know 🙂 just my 2 cents.

          • Thanks for the 2 cents. I would ask, if she doesn’t like the person and might lie, then what’s the difference? Would there be any point to asking then? Not really. 😉

  • Mimi

    Tripp! I need help! I’m a GIRL and I found your blog and I majorly need help w/this guy I dated super happily for 45 days and then boom friend zoned but he still goes out on dates w/me holds my hands interlocking fingers, puts his arm around me when we go on dates, hugs me, has only kissed me twice since our “dating” ended and currently he comes over to my house 2-3x a week, we speak daily through texts mostly or calls throughout the day from morning until he goes to bed. Almost every night he sends an emoji kiss. He stays at my house late for game night w/my friends or stays to watch a TV show with me (Game of Thrones every sunday or any other show we are watching together or just movie nights). We still go out to fancy restaurants. Sometimes he pays sometimes I pay depending on how we are for money sometimes we split it no specific order. He’s met my whole family and while they were on vacation he stayed w/me for 3 days, he’s gone on trips w/me AFTER the breakup… so how do I get things going again and back up to how they were the first 45 days???!! 🙁 He ended a serious relationship of 3.5 yrs back in February and we met and began dating in March but by mid april he cut things off w/me and said he couldn’t date me at that moment he needed to be alone and the only thing he could offer me was friendship at the moment and I could take it or leave it. When I asked about the future to see if it was worth sticking around, he said he didn’t know the future that perhaps he would be interested again in dating me but at that moment he could just be friends. He trusts me w/info such as his credit card numbers, social security number, and we have a very intimate connection YET we do not have any sex or kissing or fondling. Strictly holding hands!! We had AMAZING sex the first 45 days so how do we go from hot to cold wth??? Sighs… I am hoping that there’s a fix to this and I’m also ready to hear it from u if it’s best to cut this whole thing off. BTW he loves my cooking which has turned out to happen more and more weekly when I don’t cook for him he complains… misses it… in return he often brings me food to work or takes me out for lunch after work. 2 days ago he stated “What if I told you that I didn’t like you shirts that show off all that cleavage?” (cause i have big boobs and posted a racy pic on social media….) also at the gym he’s randomly popped up to my class just to say hi pulled me away from the circle… as to mark his territory for others to see that some dude is there for me. On a separate instance came to the gym and wouldn’t leave my side and took me out to lunch that day. So what gives? He wants to be friends but behaves like boyfriend, I want OUT of the friend zone! He’s 30, and I”m 32. Please help!!

    • There’s a saying that goes “We get what we tolerate.” And you are tolerating a guy who wants what he wants from you without him having to give more than he wants. If he wants the benefits that being a boyfriend entails, then he should BE your boyfriend. Or if he really just wants to be friends, then YOU need to set the boundaries and make it clear, that people who are just friends do not do this, and that if he wants to do this or ask that of you, then he will have to settle for an actual friendship. Like I said, “We get what we tolerate.” And if you tolerate a guy who wants to have his cake and eat it too, without having to clean it up or pay for it, then that’s what you will get. Hope this helps for now and good luck.

  • Andrew W Clarke

    Hey Tripp I’m Andy I have a unique problem that I could use some help with I’m in a wheelchair and have service dog any way I could email you so we could talk more private

    • Sure. Email me at Tell me your story, ask your question and don’t forget to leave your name, age and location. Thanks.

  • Stefan

    Hey Tripp, great job you are doing here! Well done! Can I mail you, I need you urgently. I will try to be short as possible 🙂 . Thank you!

  • SixR

    Hey Tripp I have a very bad problem that needs your guidence is there some way I can talk to you privately about it and ask you my question and tell you my story?

  • Antonio Mais

    I am living proof of the friendzone, its not a place any straight man deserves to be. Avoid it at all cost.

    • Or better yet, don’t let being in the friend zone effect you and get you down.

  • Jason Oueiss

    Thanx bro i am going to try it today

    • Great to hear!

      • Jason Oueiss

        thx bro it’s working

  • rajdirgh

    Grt suggestion bro… Bt tell me what talks makes it more intersting…

    • Things that you have in common with her or things that she is interested in.

      • cero

        yes i can absolutly agree with this answer. We discuss about things we both interested in (at work, about work and also about the food we like when we have a break together) and also try not be too funny. Its a big turn off believe me. Try to get her out of her comfort zone without beeing too confusing to her. Always be confident with what you say and how you say. Thats my tips i can give you. Again sry for my bad english 😀

        • Thanks for the tips. Btw, your English is just fine to me.

          • cero

            Cheers Tripp

  • cero

    It’s funny but I know a girl at my work that has a boyfriend and when i started out this new job, I never thought of her beeing my dream girl or so hence not beeing interested in her. The more i worked there, beeing successfull in my job the more she liked me i noticed until we met and went out in the club one evening. We danced, had fun, drank together but no word on relationship. Im very carefull since shes my colleage. However i must admit that i like her more than she thinks i do and i havent let her know yet. She even baked a cake for me and brought it to the office 🙂 i was really supprised. Well I mean im a bit confused because Im not sure about all this situation. When we were in the club she looked into my eyes more than once and gave me some signs that she is willing to go further but then again i think about her friend. She once told me that she is not happy in her relationship. Not directly but she said something like we are always having a fight and things like that. I dont know the specifics and i dint ask. As always i stayed neutral. She knows i have a girlfriend and she know I like her as a friend. Basicly im beeing a nice guy but still someone who knows what he wants. In my job im taken serious and people like me. There is really no one who doesnt like me. My boss likes me and so do everyone. Im so confused at the moment because im really feeling in love with her but i just cant tell her. Atleast not yet 🙂 also i dont want to mess it up. The funny thing is i like beiing friend with her and going out to the club. Another colleage of mine tried to date her but she rejected him haha. He always complains about the work and basicly he is very negative. I realise that beeing positve is very attractive atleast to this girl i know 🙂 Im a happy person and happy people are attractive. Well i will see how it goes in future and write more. Sry for my terrible english but any tips are welcome 🙂

    • Hi Cero. Thanks for sharing your story. My first tips would be to not allow yourself to be so taken with a girl who has a boyfriend. If a girl is in a relationship, happy or not, you are setting yourself up for confusion, disappointment and failure by allowing yourself to be interested in her. There are more things I could add like saying that you’re in love with her while also wanting to be her friend at the club. If you don’t decide which you want, then she will decide for you, and it probably won’t be then you want. But for now, she has a boyfriend. You can do better than being interested in a girl who is in a relationship. And if you don’t think you can, or you’re still interested, then you have bigger challenges to deal with.

  • cero

    I should also add that she didnt tell my colleage that she is in a relationship which is weird. The poor guy is probably pissed off now.

    • Stop looking at the crumbs under the table when there’s entire meals for you at the table.

      • cero

        I totally agree ?

  • Jesus Manuel Colin

    Hey Tripp, there’s a girl I’ve been crazy for almost 2 years now. I know it’s sick and time wasting. But recently one of our mutual friends broke up with his girlfriend and now him and my crush have a thing. It’s crazy but if he got out then I believe I can too. This guy I described seems cool but there’s a lot of things that he did that are not exactly what you described in the re invention. I’m wondering if I should just 100% give up or if I should just apply your tips because chances are this is just a fling. They hang out a lot right now! Thanks Tripp!

    • Two years is too long to make a move. Not to mention, if her getting with your friend gets you excited about your chances with her, then it’s definitely time to meet some new girls.

  • Kevin L

    Hello Tripp i met a girl on IG and kept talking to her for a while then after like 2-3 months talking to her we finally went out for some drinks(she paid everything) as my first date I didn’t do much like flirting with her and stuff like that we just had normal conovs & after some time i went out with her again last week, then things start to get a bit more better she was telling me like everything like how many times she had sex. How many times she was in relationships but i wasn’t trying to hit her bc i was a little nervous i just told her things like your cute a nice girl and thats it.. Theres was time where she told me your nice too bc i ”asked her what do you think about me” but i think she got some feelings about me she keeps sending me hearts and shit like this … So afterall I didn’t get to kiss her or something.. Now im going out with her again.. Then I would like to know what i did wrong and how can i make her feel me and get this FUCKING girl lol.. Thanks man hope to hear from u 🙂 🙂

    • If she’s going out with you again, you probably didn’t did something wrong. If you had, she would not agree to going out with you again. But you might want to stop being so “nice” to her before it’s too late.

  • VB

    Hey tripp, I have a friend who I used to like, but never had the balls to go after. So for a few months, I followed her around (secretly) like a puppy. Then, I gave up. I didn’t lose interest per sé, I just couldn’t want to chase her anymore. So I forced myself to get over her. But a few days back, I realized her birthday was coming up and I started chatting with her in an effort to try to figure out a good gift for her.
    Then, it hit me. By it, I mean the raw attraction I had for her, stronger than ever before.
    She was depressed about her birthday cause she thought none of her friends were going to be there for her etc, and I calmed her down. In this whole deal, I unintentionally blabbed that I liked her.
    Now I don’t know what the hell is going on. Every time we speak, she thinks I’m joking about liking her. I mean there is definitely some sort of spark, no matter how tiny. I push and pull her, just like you mentioned, and I make her laugh to no end. I’m one of the few people on this earth who can make her laugh. Our conversations are real, raw, and have an almost flirty back and forth feel to them.
    But those are just momentary. Then she goes back to that mode of disbelief.
    This is driving me crazy. Please advise.
    Lost soul

    • You need to ask her out and stop doing things that make her not believe you or think you’re joking. I get why you use “push/pull” but stop doing that for now and make your intentions clear so you know where you stand and what to do next. Get out of the friend zone now or you’ll stay there forever. Good luck.

      • VB

        Thanks a lot Tripp. I want to ask her out, but I face two dilemmas, the first one being I don’t even know what to say when asking her out.
        And anyway, I don’t think she believes I’m joking anymore, I think it finally clicked in her.
        By the way, I am a big fan, thanks for giving me this opportunity to converse with you.
        Lost soul

        • You say whatever you want to ask her out. If you want to have a coffee with her to chat, ask “Would you like to go to Starbucks?” If you want to go drink with her you ask, “Want to grab a drink somewhere?” Keep it light, simple and direct.

  • Alex

    Hi Tripp,
    I have become a best friend with a girl I really like. All stared almost a year ago and in that time she had a boyfriend and that’s the reason I didn’t started to flirt or trying her to like me. But I was with her talking, smiling, having fun, and we became best friends. She is single now.

    I am really confident when I am with her, I can make her smile and I am not scary at all to talk to her, but I don’t flirt with her. Can you give me an advice. Do I even have any chance with her or I am really in “friendzone” dead-end? Can I make her like me? And how to do that? If you tell me to do that: How should I touch her? What should I say to her? I would be happy if you can explain me with examples. Or should I just tell her that I like her?

    I have decided that I really don’t want to be friends with her, I want her to be my girlfriend and nothing less so I can’t do this anymore and this needs to change. I can say that she is really mature, regardless she is in high school, and I am not like the coolest guy there, but I am in good high status.

    I will be very grateful if you would recommend me some of your other videos where you give advices how to flirt with a girl you think that might be helpful when it’s up to my situation. I explained my situation briefly, I’ll give you more details it you need them.

    At last, I will give you what I think I should do, and you can also tell me if you agree with me. I think I do have a chance with her. Yeah I am in friendzone, but that doesn’t matter. My friends tell me I don’t have any chance, but I think I could make her like me if I try hard. I think persistence pays off.

    Thanks in advance! :))

    • Hi Alex. There’s 2 playlists that I would highly recommend for you right now. They are “How to avoid the friend zone” and “How to touch a girl”. Watch the former first to learn what you need to stop doing and the latter to learn what you need to start doing. Try to escalate things with her slowly and naturally and do more “date like” things to make your relationship with her more exclusive and romantic and see if she reciprocates. This is the ideal situation. Now if she doesn’t, or if she even says that she just wants to be “friends”, then you’ll have a decision to make; remain friends with her (and don’t try to secretly continue to get into a romantic relationship like most guys do) or take the upfront and direct approach and tell her how you feel and what you want. Hope that helps and good luck.

  • Dan

    Hey Tripp

    I like this girl who has a boyfriend and am hoping to somehow win her over. I asked if we could meet up some time, she said her boyfriend is not to keen and then asked if it’s only as friends. In a panic I replied “yes of course”. I have a feeling I’ve screwed up but still have a desire to have her. I know it may be unethical but is there a way to steal her from him?

    • I don’t help people with things like that. And if you think it’s ok and “all’s fair in love and war”, then my advice isn’t for you. My advice is for mature and intelligent guys who are trying to create the dating life they want, and know better than to do things like that. You have some growing up and learning to do and I hope you get started soon because nobody likes a rat.

      • Dan

        Your right Im sorry, jealousy blinded me i guess. I love your advice and will apply it in life. I know it’s a crapy move that i considered but i guess I am just jealous, i am gonna try meet some new people. Who knows maybe I will find someone better.

  • Ram

    Hi Tripp,
    I met a girl on a train and we hit it off instantly, or so I thought. I joined her on a trip to a European city and then I asked her out for dinner. She agreed to it but stated that it was not to be considered a date, because she believed in not labeling things as long as one is having fun. I thought it to be fair enough but was a bit disappointed. She did mention that she agreed to having dinner because she found me interesting. We had an amazing time in that city and exchanged numbers and other social media details.

    We texted each other a few times after that and I called her a few times over a period of 2 months. I finally had the time to visit her for a weekend in her city. I visited her place and she showed me around the enchanting city. She introduced me to few of her friends and we had a great party at her place. I told the girl that I really liked her and that it would be amazing to go out with her on a date sometime. She was taken aback by that and seemed confused.

    She informed me that she had been dating a guy from university for a few weeks but broke up a couple of weeks prior to the weekend we met. She seemed to be struggling to move on from that and told me that she was not looking forward to dating anyone right now. But, she did say that she found me to be an amazing friend and didn’t want to mess things up. She told me that we could discuss this again some time later. I’m not sure if that was a polite way of rejecting my approach or if I really could discuss that again sometime in the future. I really like this girl and enjoy her company. Do you advice me to move on or maybe discuss this again with her while staying in contact.

    • You’re deep in the friend zone and she’s leading you on. Don’t hang on to threads and keep your fingers crossed hoping that someday will come and she’ll be yours. The sooner you let this one go and find a girl who knows what she wants, the better.

  • Howard Bond

    Hey Tripp! First and foremost I want to say thank you for your excellent and frankly inspiring blog, youtube videos and spot on advice. I’ve learnt a lot from them and aim to be as chilled as you, that’s the dream man haha.

    I mean I’m often told I’m a gentleman and tbh as I have gained more experience and continued to work on me in life, I do notice women are interested. I just seem to require a bit more luck with timing in terms of meeting them when I’m in a position to date with regards to work, moving country, etc. Also when they are single. I have been using your tips though and have found my inner confident james bond like self coming out which tbh is who I am, just here in the uk, it’s a bit more difficult sometimes to ascertain signals from women, especially if you know them.

    I have a question on a female friend. My thing is I met her about 5 years ago (hear me out first haha!) back at university when I was outgoing, but less experienced than today and before I discovered Trippadvice. Tbh the moment I saw her I thought she was really cute and she is genuinely sweet/a nice girl. She happened to be in my assigned group on a master’s course. I think the fact that I didn’t know whether she was single (it turned out later she did indeed have a boyfriend already anyhow), the stress of exams etc put me off overtly hitting on her and in those days I was bit subconscious of how to hit on her in front of others. I mean she did do things like ask me out of everyone to show her how to bowl in a group activity one day, and I kinda felt like on may occasions whether by text or in person, there was “something” there. I often joked how she often beat me at stuff, though she often professes that for her, I’m on top. She admired my presenting style/energy/charming self I suppose.

    Anyhow, other than being my fairly witty/flirty self, I didn’t hit on her too much I guess. She kept in touch after graduation, and made it a point to invite me to things, especially since shortly after she emigrated for work, so whenever she visited, it was a point to see me. She seemed to always be super excited to hear from me by text (occasionally like every month or so) and asks me so many questions it’s crazy. I found out on one visit she became single last year (but she was here for 2 hours so..). I did meet her alone that day by luck.

    I tended to text her flirty stuff on her birthday or special occasions like Christmas. Probably upped that when she became single, but of course distance was a factor so I didn’t take it too seriously. However she did tell me around march time she was moving back here in october to the uk and seemed pretty excited about it and about seeing me more often etc. Texted me on landing as well btw. I actually was on a work trip just around when she returned and she texted me whilst I was abroad to ask when I’m back.

    Yet when I’m back, despite a fairly keen text from her, I think I did say something like I’m welcoming you back, my treat and it kinda faded out a bit. We still don’t live in the same city btw. She has texted me again asking me about if I’m free when she’s visiting the capital in january time. I mean I have to commute there as well, I’m kinda wondering how to ask/convey attraction in terms of meeting her preferably alone the first time round since I primarily want to see her for a meal and either just us for say bowling (now she’s single, do the arm move) or group activity if she is in town for friends?

    To be clear I have been working on myself and meeting others where I can. Bit difficult though since I’ve moved out of the capital to run a startup and help my folks way out in the UK’s equivalent of the midwest. But I did text another mutual friend of ours (a female) in the interim and meet up with her (actually come to think of it, it was just us, was that a date?!) I mean that text conversation went pretty smoothly and it was a fantastic day/evening out. Also been texting other women of course and actually bumped into someone from the past and just somehow had a flirty conversation on the spot.

    What I’m trying to ask is, (and thanks for bearing with me, you’re awesome), is in this case when a girl was not single when you met her, but something/the spark is there or potentially there, what can you do at this point now she is single and also with the caveat she’s back??

    I want to flirt more, it’s just I’m not sure I can necessarily date as easily as I could back when we lived in the same place. Also I do kinda feel this odd butterfly/affection for her, so obviously nerves come into play versus a new girl who I just think what the hell and go for it and talk. Any intimacy would be welcomed, but I’m a bit nervous how to subtly convey that I like her (I would have thought it obvious), also I’m confused how to know whether she knows I do, I thought women had a sixth sense?

    Any advice would be appreciated! Once again you rock and I look forward to your sage like, epic wisdom Sir Tripp?

    • Ask her out. This will let her know you’re interested and her answer will let you know if she is as well.

  • hamza

    hey Tripp I have my cousin and I told her that I like her and and she said no I don’t feel that we are friends please help me I don’t want end in friendzone please help

    • You should talk to her parents, your aunt and uncle about it. See what they say.

      • Evita Price

        Such an expertly navigated piece of advice!

  • Troy

    Hi Tripp,
    I have know this girl for about 5 years at work. About 4 months ago we started seeing each other about 2 times a week anything from going out to staying home and cooking so I have no problem seeing her one on one. She says she feels safe and comfortable with me. She shows all the normal signs of being Interested like( watching me,smiling at me when I talk to her,and she will text me if I’m not at work to check on me) she also told me her mother likes me and that I am super sweet. Sometimes she make the comment “I hope the person I like will wait for me” we do hug goodbye everytime we see each other but there is no other physical contact. She makes up excuses to talk to me at work also. So about two months ago I asked her if she would like to go out on a date and she said that she only liked me as a friend. So the last two months I have been completely ignoring her and she will text me once in awhile to see how I am. We happened to run into each other at work today and she asked how I was I told her I have just been really busy. She said she missed talking to me and had been really busy also but may she was going to have more free time. She has told a co work of mine that she likes me and one night I was on date and ran into her and she started crying. I am retired military so I am pretty alpha working on the three steps right now.i just really don’t know where this girl is coming from. I was thinking about the next time I see her away from work telling her I don’t want to be deceitful and still I’m interested in her more than a friend and just moving on if things don’t work out. Do you have any advice.also I know she is single

    • It sounds like she might be interested and made the friend comment because she wasn’t sure at the time. I suggest keeping it simple and asking her out on another date. If she has feelings for you, she will say yes, and if she doesn’t, she’ll let you know. Don’t let a girl’s confusion cause you to be confused. Keep doing what you’re doing because it sounds like you’re doing all the right things.

      • Troy

        Thank you Tripp her birthday is coming up and we made plans for me to cook her dinner than I am taking here to a large concert that I am running the production for so it should be fun

  • shubham shah

    Hey Tripp there is a girl whom I have been friends with for past 4 months and she is the first ever girl who talks with me so much…..And I have hanged out with her quite a bit but at the same moment there were some other friends too….I have feelings for and I don’t know how to express it….Bcoz she is the only one I want to be with….And I don’t want to get rejected…..I think the only element missing in me is that I am not a funny joke telling person…Please suggest me a way abt what should I do….I don’t want to get friend zoned

    • Ask her to have dinner with you somewhere. This small invitation does everything you want, keeps you out of the friend zone, let’s her know how you feel, and it will be only you and her. Good luck.

  • Patrick Oneshot

    Hey tripp I have been dating this lovely girl for about 4 years now and things were going on fine between us … We were like best buddies and lovers cuz we hang out most of the time always there for her whenever and wherever she needed me until recently she told me she wants to pause the sex between us as understanding as I always been I agreed to let her have her way a few weeks after this she tells me she doesn’t feel the same way about me as she used to when we started going out… I really love this girl and I don’t know what to do to make things fall back into order

    • Watch my video called “The Ultimate Guide To Getting Your Ex-Girlfriend Back”. Good luck.

  • Shan

    Hey Tripp, i have been friendzoned with a girl. i have sexual feeling towards her .but she is not considering my feeling towards her. we are so close and we do dirty text and phone calls . but she is not really interested to do it in reality with me .how to make her sexually attracted towards me. should i even say that i want to sleep with her. how to make her consider me as a sexual being than being in friendzoned

    • Change the dynamic of the relationship by behaving like a sexually confident man.

  • rami ateka

    Hi tripp. So there’s this new girl in my MMA training class that i really find pretty and attractive. I just need some advices on how to really start a conversation with her and making her want to talk to me even more. ( Make her willing to go out with me if i ask her). Thanks tripp ?

  • Amol

    Hey tripp, i love the girl which i want to be a part of my life,even she knows that i like her, but how can i tell her that I LIKE HER and to proceed further…even we hang out together so how to proceed further n approach her so that she will take more intrest in me

    • Don’t blurt it out like most guys do and blow their chances with her. That’s why I teach what I do everyday on my Youtube channel. Go watch it and learn how.

      • Amol

        Hey tripp now that girl knows very well that i love her, but she is telling me that she likes the another guy, and should i move on with him or not? Basically i dont know why she asked me like this? N is she wants to know
        my decision out for her or anything else…

  • Charles

    Hi Tripp

    I recently told a friend I’ve known for 7 years I really like her. She just said “SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING BECAUSE I NEVER SAID ANYTHING”. She told me she was dating someone (and that she didn’t even know how it happened). I asked her if she ever thought about dating me and she said that on the first year we met she thought that a lot.

    She also told me she didn’t wanted to date somewone who knew her in her last relationship because she remembers her ex. But It seemed to me she is interested, I mean she was very open, she laughed when i told her that I believe she likes me.

    I’ve invited her many times (most times she has other plans and cancels. But we have been in contact and hanged out. She doesn’t like to be invited (she always wants to split the bill). She is not a touchy person, neither do i, but i have passed the touch barrier (touching her on the back, just above her butt, hugs, shoulders, kisses only on her cheeks).

    Two days after I told her she likes me, she texted me to ask my about my sports team.

    I believe she is confused after her breakup and wants to experience something different. Should I go for it as fast as I can or giver her some time/space?

    • Charles, it does not sound like you are in the friend zone yet so I would say, go for it.

  • Tiernan Alderman

    Ive liked a girl for a few months and I finally had the guts to ask her out. She wanted some friends to come too which I was ok with. Then she told me she didn’t want it to count as a date but more as a hangout. She said she doesn’t have any feelings for me right now but she doesn’t know if some might develop. I hope she does start to like me since I’ve.liked her for a while. Any advice?

    Also if it helps I am only 16 and just want a girlfriend not for sex or anything. Sex comes after you get married so I’m not looking for that but more just a normal girlfriend. Thanks

    • You’re in the friend zone with this girl. First thing, watch my vids on how to stay out of the friend zone with girls so this doesn’t happen again and snap out of it with this girl. She rejected you in a bunch of different ways and you’re still clinging to the hope that she’ll change her mind. Don’t put yourself through the cycle of getting rejected, not taking a hint, trying again and getting disappointed. Get to know more girls and don’t get stuck in the “she’s the only one for me” limited mentality.

  • Todor Popovic

    Hi Tripp
    I like this girl for few months and we started to flirt and everything was going great. Then i heard that she doesn’t see me in that way and loves me like a friend. I got the “best friend” status but she is still flirting with me even though she got boyfriend a week ago. I started to go out more and it doesn’t hurt me the fact that she has a boyfriend and she is not into me. What should i do? Should i tell her that i used to have feelings for her (i still have but i don’t wanna reveal that much to her) or should i just stay friends with her and move on without telling her a thing?

    • You need to watch all my videos, listen to my podcasts and get my courses. Because then you will learn how to get out of the friend zone and how to make a girl feel attraction for you. And you don’t do it by revealing your feelings for her which I’ve covered before. Now consider what you know; she likes you as a friend and she has a boyfriend. These mean she isn’t available. Expand your options today.

  • Friedrich Barbarossa

    Dear Tripp,
    I would also like to share my friendzone problem . My story is long , but I will be as succinct as possible.

    I met a girl at November 2015 . I fell in love from the first moment I saw her. She was (and still is) a high school student . I am a univesity student. I fall in love extremelly rarely and I feel that this girl is very important for me. Actually , I spend about 10 hours per day studying . I never invest time in anyone , except if he/she is really important for me.

    From November 2015 till November 2016 , she had been evading me . I asked her for a date dozens of times. When I say dozens , I mean it litterally , not metaphorically ! She always replied with “Yes” , but she always postponed the date . She postponed the date for more than a year. It was as if she enjoyed playing with me. However , during this year , we spent a lot of time chatting at facebook . (Of course , I was the one that sent messages first , but she always replied.) We gradually got to know each other.

    Finally , we had our first date . It lasted only 1 hour. But soon we had plenty of other dates. We spent a lot of time together during the following months ( I spent all of my very limited free time for her) and one day she told me that I was her best friend ! She also told me that she wanted to sleep with me !! (Only sleep , without doing sex) . As you can imagine , we had broken the “contact barrier” countless times.However,during these months , she had a lot of boyfriends and she even asked me for advice. She even used me to make her boyfriends jealous !

    Finally , by the end of March 2017 , I decided to reveal my intensions . She had broken up a week ago , so I assumed that the time was right . She told me that she doesn’t like my as a boyfriend , but she dosn’t want to loose me either.So she asked for 15 days to think . During these 15 days , she changed her mind many times. We even had a relationship for 5 days . But her final answer was “No” . It was not a strong no , but a “Not now” . She said that she liked another boy and that she is not ready for serious relationships right now. She also said that perhaps we could be together at some point in future .She asked me to remain her best friend , but I declined the offer.

    From April 2017 till May 2017 , we had been talking , but only for a couple of minutes per day . By the end of May , I told her that I need to study and that we will talk again in October because I am too busy . So we haven’t talked for a month now…

    What should I do?Any advice would be appreciated!

  • JoshuaEBE

    Hey Tripp, I’d like your advice
    I have gotten to know a girl for while now… a month to be specific, I am attracted to her, I’ve been following​ your advice Parroting, Body Mirroring and others, Thank you btw and I love my conversations with her.

    So is it okay to state that I like her instead of, Would go out with me, its because of her priorities in life that she’s not looking for a boyfriend right now and I respect that. I want to tell so she knows that I want to be more than a friend.

    But my friend said I should just keep it hidden and just show my attraction towards her but I’m afraid I’ll end up in the friendzone in the end because I didn’t state it early

    Thank you Tripp :>

    • Go ahead and tell her how you feel and see how that works out for you. Or save yourself from the disappointment and frustration that always comes after telling a girl how you feel and build up the attraction by flirting with her instead.

  • Yonathan

    Hi Tripp!

    Been friends with a girl amongst mutual friends for 6 months. Our group has a “group text” chat and we all go out together (girls and guys) for fun.
    We both showed interest and we have gone out on a couple dates. We made out on our last date and I can tell this will probably go further.
    I know the general rule of thumb is to play it cool, not text so much, and not be so available to keep the attraction there. So my question is, should I do that and not be in touch with her (texting, calling, hanging out in a group) as often as we did when we were friends? Or does it even matter at this point?

    • It depends on her receptivity to your leading. If she’s ok with it and wants you to, then go ahead and text her whenever you want. But if she’s not into you yet, then chill out and take it easy.

  • joshua

    I am In 7th grade how should I ask a 8th grader out

    • You shouldn’t. You should be doing your homework and enjoying your childhood. Don’t worry about adult things until you’re an adult. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.

      • Rob

        Hey Joshua. I’m gonna respectfully disagree with Tripp on this one. Learning how to interact socially with new people and potential romantic partners is every bit as important as what you’re learning in school. I work with a lot of BRILLIANT

  • joshua

    i have not recived the the thid video

    • What video? This is a blog post. It’s text, not video.

  • Eduard Miraflor

    Imma try your method tomorrow with the girl I met. our last conversation was 2 days ago. so gonna ask her out.

    • Good luck. Let us know what happens.

  • John Marshall

    Hi Tripp you are right it is best not to get into the friend zone in the first place. If a woman like you. I have learnt to show no fear in showing my masculine side to woman I like. Even with a Chinese woman you must keep escalating the tension. I noticed the touch barrier was down. She touched me & she responded to my masculinity. This means now I have a relationship with a Chinese lady living at the moment in Beijing China.

    • That’s great. Congratulations. Hope it works out for both of you.

  • John

    But what are you supposed to do if you are ugly?

    • Go to work on your self-esteem. Lots of “ugly” guys have girlfriends, busy dating lives, wives, etc. Confident guys don’t let something as minor as their looks get in the way of having what they want.

      • John

        I’m not talking about low self esteem, I’m talking about legitimately ugly. Confidence means nothing when it comes to dating. Women are shallow (even more shallow than we are.) You can be the most confident guy in the world, but if you are not good looking enough, women will have nothing to do with you. In fact, they will hate you, laugh at you, and ridicule you for acting confident if you aren’t tall, with ripped abs, and weren’t born with the perfect jawline.
        No woman has shown an ounce of interest in me in over 17 years (I’m 44.) . I am only 5’7, I have severe acne scarring, and there is nothing doctors can do. I may possibly be the ugliest guy alive. I approach women all the time, and I always get blown off, no matter what I say. (Besides , at my age, 99.9% of the women I meet are taken.)
        So again, my question is, what are you supposed to do if you are LEGITIMATELY ugly?

        • Lots and lots of inner work needed here. I suggest you get started promptly.

          • John

            Does “Inner Work” make you TALLER and BETTER LOOKING?

          • Good question. You should give it a try and let us know if it does.

          • Obviously not, but it does change your attitude which it what is severely needed here.

          • John

            Lol.. Tripp, you know nothing about my attitude, and certainly can’t judge my attitude based on a few lines of text that was posted over 6 MONTHS ago.
            I’ll tell you what, post a video of a short, below average looking guy approaching women on the street, (and I mean real people.. not a good looking guy wearing a mask, or a fat suit, or some other bullcrap. I mean real below average looking guys.) and filming their reactions, and I will concede that looks aren’t everything. (Those videos don’t exist for a reason. And No, Johnny Burba is NOT UGLY, no matter how much he likes to pretend he is. (He’s like 6’5!)) The only people I ever hear pushing this “looks don’t matter” nonsense are tall, decent looking guys.
            But I guess admitting that looks are everything is bad for business for a “dating coach”. Your clientele consists of guys who are having trouble meeting women, and if you admitted that something that is beyond their control is what is hindering their results with women, you wouldn’t have many clients, would you?
            So, I understand.

          • I wish I could help you. But sometimes no matter how many times you prove something to people, they are so stuck to their beliefs, it’s better to move on and help those who are open to change.

          • John

            Proven how, Tripp? I listen to your podcast and check for updates every day. I have listened to the “Attraction Arsenal “ IN ORDER. I have listened to every single episode of “How to Talk to girls”. (Even the one with Ross Jeffries, which was cringeworthy). I’ve heard you as a guest on Marni Kinrys’s podcast, and heard you interview her. I’ve watched the majority of your You Tube Channel.. and through it all, I have not seen or heard a SINGLE SHRED of evidence that looks are not EVERYTHING.
            I mean, you have good advice for an above average looking guy who is just a little tongue tied and doesn’t know what to say.. But have you ever experienced the nasty looks, the ridiculing laughs, and the turning of the back to you, looking in the other direction, and the response of absolute DISGUST from girl after girl just for daring to attempt to speak to her? Have you spent 17 years alone without a SINGLE date, or even one sign of interest from a single woman? (I’m now 45 years old.)
            Well, I have. So, excuse me for having beliefs that have been proven to myself time and time again over the course of several decades. And excuse me for not simply drinking the Kool-Aid and throwing away decades of the ( widely accepted ) belief that women are attracted to LOOKS over anything else (besides maybe money.)
            I’ll be looking forward to your next episode.

          • Maybe cold approaching doesn’t work for you. What other methods of meeting women have you tried? Online? Events? Singles events? Speed dating? Matchmaking? Social circle?

            I would go to work and try each and every one of these methods and see what happens.

            And I also don’t know what your “skill level” is, so I’m not sure exactly where to help. It’s possible that you are doing something OTHER THAN LOOKS that’s preventing you from attracting women. Hard to say on this end.

          • John

            Tried the all Tripp, all except speed dating, because here in Cincinnati, there is only one event that runs, and you have to be a “professional single” to attend. (I called them, and was told to stick to my “own kind”.)
            I was recently dating a girl who works in the office at my last job. I left the company after 18 years, for a better position with more money, and a better schedule. Since then, things kind of fizzled out. I guess she just moved on.
            As far as social circle, all of my friends are married, and really don’t go out. If we do go out, I am just a third or fifth wheel. No fun. None of my friends know anyone who is single.
            So, I really don’t know. I’m all out of answers. I really wasn’t looking for help. I was posing a rhetorical question. Thanks for answering. Looking forward to your next podcast episode.

          • I just made a video that might help you and other guys with similar thinking because you’re not the only one. Next podcast coming soon.

          • Sasha Rostovskiy

            John, I am writing to bring you the evidence you wanted: I am currently in high school and the guys in my year with girlfriends are all ugly and have TONS of disgusting spots! Nobody legit cares! It’s definitely not the looks they are into.

    • the opinion

      Dude….! I cant help but read your comments, the reason you cant get a girl has nothing to do with your looks. You have a really bad way of presenting yourself. You come across as bitter, and toxic. If I was girl I would run.

      You think your ugly, so you dress the way you think, you carry yourself the way you think, you approach the way you think. Forget about your looks, forget about girls.
      Do something your passionate about, exercise, learn to love life, have some enthusiasm. Even if you are ugly, who cares, you got through the last 17 years, make the next 17 years count. Stop over thinking it.

  • Jurica1306

    Hi Tripp! I’m 16, now in high school and there’s a girl I’m interested in.. With absolutely every single girl that I talk I get friendzoned, but this time I got some distance, not that I’m avoiding her, but I’m not being boring. I really want this girl and I’ve got a friend that will set us up to meet in a cafe and then he will leave, leaving the girl I’m in and me alone. What should we talk about? I want to avoid friendzone as soon as possible, and your videos helped me a lot, but I don’t know what to do really. I consider myself below average looking and I’m planning to start going to the gym. And that girl is texting a lot of guys but I don’t think she’s flirting. Occasionally she looks at me at class and in the hall she sometimes talks to my best friend (which she friendzoned after she was hugging him, she called him “bro”) and I don’t want to end like him. I don’t always answer her texts instantly and sometimes she sends me some of her selfies. Sorry that this is so long and I really need some advice from you. Thanks a lot!

  • Matt

    Hey Tripp, what if you started in the friend zone briefly but got out of it, had two awesome dates (and a couple weeks of in-depth conversation/flirtation) then got put back in because she’s insecure about a 3 year age difference? She still contacts me and got jealous of another girl she saw me hanging out with.

    • It looks like seeing other girls is what is getting you out of the friend zone with her. Keep doing that.

  • Anjum Sahid

    Hey Tripp…I’m here texting a girl of my college for 4days nearly… I’m texting her.. sometime flirting… But maximum time I say everything directly without any hesitation like “that’s the reason I find u amazing” this kind of texts!!
    She says one day that she find me mysterious… Please tipp tell me weather I’m going good or if I’m doing any wrong.please guide me Tripp …. .
    . – Anjum

    • Since she’s texting you back, it sounds like you’re doing good. Keep it up.

  • Yassin Lam

    Hi tripp i hope u
    are fine and im so thinkfull for what you are doing . So i met this girl in school after we talked on social media we start to meet in the cafe to study .however in the 7th metting we start holding hands she let me put my hunf on her knee ,my head on her shoulder touch her face i give her side hugs and she seems ok with it . I were like myb she likes me .so the last week i tlod her that myb i ve feelings for her …. yet she said that she didnt expect that from me and that she feels comfortable , can be herself with me yet that we can be just freinds not more . I hope you help me .thnx

  • Chris

    Hi tripp , so i’m bbf with this cute girl it’s bean a year now , but i was flurting with hur all the time , when i asked her out today she rejected me , what should i do now , help please !!

  • Pleb killer

    Tripp, I’m flirting a well educated girl ( hard studying) about 5-6 days now and seem like I alway run out of idea everytime i text her. All of her replied are short answers and with few words — . Do i have any chance??

    • You might. I have lots of videos about texting that you may be interested in. Good luck.

  • JSalvador12

    Hey Tripp i am talking to a girl that i have know for like 4 months went out on a date then tried to arrange second date she seems kind avoiding but then later suggesting that we should do something. We kind flirt but she ever hardly initiate a conversation and sometimes she just never replies back. Would this some kind of friendzone i may be falling into?

    • No, that’s not even a friend zone. If she doesn’t want to go on another date, never starts the conversations and sometimes ignores you completely, that’s not her putting you in the friend zone because that’s not how friends are with each other. She’s putting you in the “No Zone”. Might be best to let this one go and find a nice girl who deserves your attention.

  • David

    Hi Tripp,

    I had a fling with a girl at work. After months of flirting, building sexual tension and hot texts we ended up sleeping together. The issue I have is straight after sex she cried to me about an ex boyfriend who she dumped 3 months ago. They had a brutal relationship but she was still in contact with her and he was trying to win her back (she mentioned him previously but still initiated physical things) She asked to step back as she couldn’t have feelings for 2 people and has since friend zoned me for 3 weeks. I’m aware she saw him again recently but is not back in a relationship and is mostly independent. Since then we’re still close but Is there any hope of going back to where we were? During the fling outside of being physical we went on dates, held hands and talked about the future

    • I think so. But it also sounds like she has some things she needs to workout before being totally available. Probably be better to let her do these things before picking things back up. If you choose not to wait and try to go back to where you were, you’ll probably end up in the same situation. Good luck.

      • David

        Thanks for the advice. Its hard to tell if she’s friend zoned me. She texts me and tags me in social media literally everyday. She regularly asks me out for walks etc however the sexual tension/ flirting/ touching has stopped completely since the incident. I’ve tried to navigate her feelings by being more direct but it’s not giving anything away. It’s hard because I see her 5 days a week and knownthe ex is still very much in the picture again. She says he hurt her bad and she’s living a proper independent lifestyle now without needing someone. The worst thing is I pay for all the meals and drinks but she ends up leaving me afterwards alone. I really like her though so how should I play it? If I stay away from her, don’t take her out and maybe date other women maybe she will value me more. I feel used and a shoulder to cry on right now

        • David it sounds like she’s using you for your company and nothing more. If she doesn’t want to get physical right now, that’s fine, that’s up to her. But you don’t have to keep being at her beck and call while you continue to hope and wait for her to come around. And paying for things is what a boyfriend does because it’s a mutual relationship where both parties are taking care of each other. Except in your case, nobody’s taking care of you. Don’t blame her for feeling what she feels, but don’t tolerate it either. Good luck.

  • Obey Younes

    I’m reading more and more about your experiences, and still be thankful for the advices and worings.


    • You’re welcome. Thanks for the feedback. Have a great week.

  • Samuel Hoon

    Hey Tripp, my name is Sam and I am 18. Yes I am still in high school lol, and there is this girl who is younger than me who I met and has admitted that she had a thing for me Just a couple months ago. But she doesn’t anymore, I believe I made the mistake of name hanging out with her. But anyway, this past month in a half she’s been real hot n cold with me. What do you recommend I do to spark that attraction? Should I pursue her in public? Ask her to the movies? Or become scarce for awhile?

    • Can only advise when all parties are adults. Sorry. Good luck.

  • the opinion

    So getting out of the friend zone is easy, but how do you get out of the no zone? and how do you get out of the the he is really weird zone? When girls are …”Like what is his problem anyways, should I talk to him or just ignore him.”

    • The way you get out of the no-zone is by making yourself super attractive to girls and meeting a lot of them. I teach how to do this everyday on Youtube and the podcast so the “how” shouldn’t be a problem. And getting Hooked and joining us in Tripp’s Corner will help make this happen fast.



  • Yoel Frisch

    am tired of the way the term friendzone has become a term for creepy
    guys expecting sex from being nice to a women. I define being in the
    friendzone differently. The guy has strong feelings for the woman and it
    has been there for a long time and anyone can see it a mile away,
    people have already told her you like her as more then a friend, so
    either she is in denial or she knows it and she likes the way things
    are…. after all you are there for her no matter what and she doesn’t
    have to give anything of herself. The guy in this situation doesn’t want
    sex he wants a relationship. Mostly the woman in this senerio dates
    guys who are unstable and don’t treat her very well yet fall into the
    same pattern time after time. The guys constantly hurt her and she runs
    to him for comfort. How do I know…. I was this guy many years ago.
    From 16-21 I did everything for this girl and she hurt me time after
    time but if I ever wanted to stop it she would hint at she might be able
    to date me but as soon as I would stay she would go right back to the
    bad guys. I got more and more dispondant until I had to leave town to
    get away from her. She never changed nor would she as long as I was
    around, because I was an enabler. I didn’t talk to her for many years
    and things did not go well for her after I left and she had to hit rock
    bottom before she changed, which she seemed to do. Even though I am
    currently single I would never put myself in that situation again. If a
    woman was truly a friend to the friendzone guy she won’t call him
    everytime her bf is mean to her and not put him in that situation.



    Share ›

    • Thanks for sharing. That’s a long time to be in the friend zone with a girl. I’m glad to hear you don’t do that anymore and I hope you find a nice girl who recognizes and appreciates what she has. Good luck.

  • Charles

    Hi, i’ve invited this girl to a concert and a couple. In the concert i was very physical: i hold her all the concert from the low back and my hand rested in her leg. There was a soft song where I rested my chin on her shoulder while hugging her and told her I really liked her to be with me there. She was not physical with me, though (she only hugged me when we met at the event and before we parted ways.

    After the concert we went with my friends for dinner and she told me she really liked the concert and she liked me to invite her to hang out.
    Also there was a guy from her work and she presented me as her friend.

    I hugged her because she was freezing (last time i did this she moved away).

    She is not that physical. Most of the times she doesn’t like to be hugged (I suffered that in the past and also have seen her do that to other friends)

    The friends that went with me told me we looked and acted like a couple.

    I really belive she likes me but:

    1. she wasn’t physical with me

    2. She rejected me on the past

    What do you think?

    • Hi Charles. It sounds like she might like you and to find out for sure, you’ll need to spend more time with her, continue flirting with her and see where things go. The more you flirt and things to a romantic level with her, the sooner you’ll get your answer.

    • Allen Shira

      So last week while I was away from home on a business trip, I got a call from a guy I once worked with asking if I was at home as flowers and candles were to be delivered to my house, this was shocking of course because I didn’t order flowers and candles, the guy who called me recognised my address so he decided to confirm if I was home, I told him no, I didn’t order flowers but my girlfriend could have, so I asked him to go ahead and deliver the flowers and candles to my house, to my shock he called back an hour later and said another dude signed for the flowers and candles and that he was sure that was my house. I began to wonder why another guy would sign for flowers and candles in my own house but I never called my girlfriend to ask.
      I got back home five days ago and I did not notice any flowers or new candles around, I stylishly asked my girlfriend if she would like to get candles for the room but she said she didn’t like candles, it was right there I knew something was wrong. I went back to work the next day and told my friend about it and he suggested that I should hire a private investigator, I was reluctant at first but the issue was eating me up, I needed to know what had happened, I got a recommendation for a professional investigator who could trace calls, mails and texts, so I hired the guy. I often contacted the investigator through mail, His mail is ziyevhack At gee mail dot com. He is really good and extremely professional.
      To cut the story short my girlfriend had been seeing this other guy for weeks, they would make out in my house anytime I was away, they see almost every day, once I go to work, they turn my house to a sex club and try all sorts of things, I was also able to get a receipt for sex toys and other stuff, the private investigator really did thorough Job, and I’m glad now that I know the truth. I sent her packing and now I am a free man. No more deceit in my life.

  • Dylan

    Hey Tripp I need a bit of advice. Ok so basically there’s a girl in my college I really like. At the start of college we would hang around a lot, she would ask me to go places with her like to a clothes shop or something and she would also ask me to come to hers for food and watch movies. One morning we were walking to college and I told her I liked her as more of a friend but she said ” we’re still friends right?”. I really thought she had feelings for me due to the signals like asking me to go to her house for food, but from that response I doubt it. We still hang out “as friends”. And the funny thing is that some of my friends in the course kept telling me to ask her out because they thought she really liked me and they were shocked when I got rejected. What should I do Tripp?

    • First, you should learn how attraction works, how to stay out of the friend zone, and how to get a girl to be your girlfriend. Luckily for you, I teach how to do all that everyday on my Youtube channel. I would get started right away because it is clear you’re just getting started and have a lot to learn. Good luck.

  • JoeShmoe

    Hey Tripp! just wanted to throw out my scenario and get your input.

    I started talking to this girl from my school recently. Always knew of her but we never connected. She went to visit a college I like (and now committed to UF) She is a senior and i’m a junior, and i’ve looked at UF and possibly going there, hence the connection. We started off v quick, and we both loved talking and doing fun stuff. We mutually talked everyday. Went on dates. Had a blast. She seemed super into me. She asked about my athletics, one time we got sidetracked on a date and ended up at dicks so i could teach her about golf. She talks about going golfing in the summer with me to learn me. She also asked for my track schedule because she said she wanted to come see me. Super into me, after like a month of talking and going on dates i went out to a part with her, hung out all night, at the end of the night I gave her a hug before we left, and she gave me that look, and we ended up having a pretty seemingly meanfigul kiss (both totally sober just to clarify it wasn’t a drunk kiss haha.) Asked her about last night the next day and she said basically she meant that and had planned on it the whole night. Her response came after my comment of I don’t do that with anyone, because i wanted my intentions to be clear with her. So we have been talking for a few months, and now she sent me a very sympathetic message, basically saying she doesnt think we can date. She said she just doesn’t feel that “deep connection” attracting. She said she loves being around me and going out and having fun and partying, but just doesn’t see us dating. She said she wants to continue going out and having fun. Basically change nothing, except the fact that we won’t date. So a few questions: How do i approach this. Should we keep going out on dates and having fun? Because i enjoy her and being with her even if we can’t date. And she said that nothing has to change except no dating, so should i be looking for or expecting any intimate physical contact? That seemed to be the direction it was heading before she said no dating, or should i plan on just merely going out on dates and having a good time? Could you maybe point me in the right direction of what I should do?? We still talk the same amount like before, and it’s all pretty similar conversation. So i’m just really confused on how to approach her. What do you think I should do?? Any advice is appreciated.

    • She said “no dating” a bunch of different ways so that makes it pretty clear where you stand with her. You now have two options; stay in the friend zone with her, or don’t and go elsewhere. Good luck.

  • Joe Langton

    Hey Tripp! Was just wondering what your take is on my situation.

    So there’s a woman I’m interested in, she’s never had a boyfriend. Thing is shes best friends with my ex, and to apply a theoretical cherry to this cake, we all live together. Cut back about 2 months ago I realise in my head I can feel myself becoming more attracted to her, we get along, we have a lot of similarities in a variety of things. Now I know I’ve heard multiple times you should never “go there” with an ex’s friend but I couldn’t help it, still can’t. Anyway things were going good, whenever we saw each other we were lost in conversation, she seemed real into it. I’m not really one to pick up on signals but all of my friends, and some of hers, said that she definitely is into me. I found out beforehand that my ex was okay with this which is awesome. Couple nights ago we all go out including her, drink, have a good time and I couldn’t keep it in anymore so I told her, to my surprise she feels the same way and we kiss. On the night she was super into the idea of us seeing each other and stuff, but the next day we try to have the discussion about it and it was really awkward, a lot of broken sentences due to nerves etc. Now this is the odd part. She said she likes me that way, but doesn’t want the pressure of a relationship as she doesn’t know what shes doing in the future, totally get that, but then she mentions that “if my ex wanted one of my friends I would be not okay with it” even though she knows her besty is cool with it. She says she “doesn’t want to ruin what we have” assuming the friendship but that she would like to hang around with me more and the conversation finishes. Now since then she spends a lot of her time in hiding almost? like when I see her my nerves get the better of me and its just a few passing words. Any advice? I feel shes into me but is scared of how she feels as shes never been here before, but im almost certain its the ex thing.

    • As a rule of thumb, the more comfortable you are with things, the more comfortable she will be. Seeing how you are already comfortable with this, it’s up her to decide where to go with this. Try not to focus too much on how to make a girl feel a certain way about a situation because her feelings are her own. Also, you might want to expand your social circle a bit and find new options.

  • Mohammed Abdelwahab

    Hey Tripp i have a problem with a women she is actually my friend at college. I really want u to help me out.
    This girl is really afraid to be in relationship and dating. She don’t want to be my girlfriend,she was so close to me and she tells me many time that she likes me and that stuff and I do the same thing I flirt with her too.Then after a while i told her that i want u to be my girl and she told me that, i never thought about u in this way and she just refused to be my girl. Few days ago I asked her what do i mean to you, Or what do u think about me? Do u want me as a friend or lover? Choose what do u want? She said that she can’t choose any of these.
    And know I don’t know to be with her or how to treat her. Can u help me or tell me what to do at this point.

    • Hey Mohammed. I know you don’t want to hear this, but it sounds like she’s not interested. Actually it’s pretty clear that she’s not. I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep going after a girl who has made it clear that she’s not interested. It’s not good for you or for her. Keep watching the videos because I talk about your situation all the time and what to do about it. Good luck.

  • Pratik Jadhav

    Hello tripp I am really in love with a girl since 5 years actually more than 5 years she also talks to me but not on a daily basis just some times when meet. I really love her but I don’t no when se will understand my feelings ?. Her friend circle is huge. Just we went for a movie but I didn’t got her action.sometimes she was doing conservation with me but that time I didn’t talk to her much which I am regretting. I really love her. But I don’t think she will understand.I am fully broken. But seeing your videos I got motivated.But can you please help me out in details please.

    • Let me get this straight; you’ve been in love with the same girls for 5 years, you really love her even though you two don’t talk much and she doesn’t know how you feel about her? Well then my friend, the best advice I can give you is to become a member and join us in Tripp’s Corner so we can set you straight. Because you need to learn the basics; how to make a girl feel attraction, how to flirt with a girl, how to not get obsessed with one girl, and many, many other things. Good luck.

  • Travis Amy

    Hey Tripp
    I’ve liked this girl for a couple months. I’ve made it clear i like her and she made it clear that she liked me. She told all of my friends she liked me and asked them for advice on how to get me. A couple days ago i asked her on a date and she gave me a soft no. Earlier i asked her if i did something wrong and she said that she didn’t want a boyfriend right now and that I’ve did nothing to turn her away. She also said we should hang out more as friends though and now she seems really nervous around me. I have no clue what my next move should be

    • Luis Arroyo

      Forget her! You’re clearly in the *friend zone* She even said it! ( ” we should hang out more as friends”)

      She’s nervous around you because she knows you’re pursuing her as for some reason she’s no longer interested. Either that or her friends don’t like you and she’s one of those people that are more interested in what their friends think.

      Either way she’s not worth your time. Keep her at arm’s length but minimize contact with her in fact meet someone else you’re not really interested in and put them in the friend zone. Why have you many female friends by your choosing the girl you really like will start wondering why do all these girls no you and some comfortable around you and then she’ll be more interested.
      It’s just human nature.

      • Lilian Williams


    • Hi Travis. So that’s called a rejection and when that happens it means you didn’t play your cards right when it came to building attraction and staying out of the friend zone so first you need to learn how to do those things. For now, your next move should be accepting what she said and trying again with another girl after you’ve done step 1 and maybe try her again later on down the road. Good luck.

  • Charles

    Hi Tripp, I just wanted to thank you.

    Last year I told a friend of mine y really liked her. She rejected me by telling me “she never said anything because I’ve never said anything” and that she might be dating someone. Also told me she thought about dating me when I first met her.

    I asked you about your opinion and it was “she didn’t reject you in a way it was a waste of time to go for it”.

    I really felt very bad, but I decided to move on and started no-contact. After 2 months she contacted me. Few months later she asked me out!!! We hanged out for my birthday, she invited me dinner and hanged out 2 more times: one was a concert where I hugged her all night. She seemed comfortable.

    Last week I invited her dancing for her birthday. I went to her apartment and there she told me she might be dating someone and didn’t want to go dancing, because “if she dated me how I would feel if my gf went dancing with another guy” (I recognized she was right about that, so I didn’t insisted). I felt destroyed again, but I told her that was last year story. She told me I ruined our friendship the day I confessed I liked her. I just told her it was never a real friendship then, and she said that from all her friends that have told her they like her, the only one that has affected her is me telling I liked her. I told her it was because she felted the same way about me.

    We talked about 5 hours, about everything. Every once she joked like “thats why we can’t be together” for every reason imaginable (that I was skinnier than her, that I ate slow, how I served cereal, etc) so I asked her if those excuses meant to convince me or to convince herself we should not date. When we finished I told her “then I cannot invite you to anything from now” she told me “we’ll see”.

    She blamed me I didn’t make a move when we first met, and I told her I did, but she didn’t responded. and she said I didn’t insisted so much, and I told her that if she wanted me to beg her I was not the kind of guy for that.

    In the middle of the night she wrote me to ask if I arrived well to my house.

    All the story is just to thank you for your support, I’ve wrote a couple of times, and got very good help and answers. Like “the rejection she did was not the kind of rejection to be a waste of time” (you were right all this time). Also I watched many of your youtube videos and I felt more confident with women thanks to them. I’ve invited girls to dance, I’ve been rejected by other girls and moved on. The only one that hurts me is this friend of mine, because I really like her so much, and knowing she feels the same way about me, and just because she invented a stupid rule she is not dating me.

    I told this same story to a friend of mine (girl by the way) she told me she is so into me (we hanged out just the two of us) and how we spent 5 hours talking about it, and all the excuses she invented to convince her she didn’t liked me were signs of how she regrets letting me go.

    Thanks for all, and if you got another tip, for this girl (because I think this story is not over) or any other one I might found in my way, I will appreciate it.

  • Siva Sanmugam

    Hey Tripp.. Your advice helped me alot a few years back. Once, i escaped friend zone.. i dated a girl who once called me bro for 8 months.. but now, i like this girl.. my best friend who’s really good in his studies likes her too.. he teaches her to get closer to her.. now, i just don’t know what to do as she’s closer to him nowadays.. and my other friend told me that she has friendzoned me.. what do I do?

    • Lilian Williams

      That’s great….can we talk

    • Glad to hear my advice helped you get out of the friend zone before. For this situation, I don’t think you should do anything. If this girl you like is close to your best friend then you should be happy and let them be. Not wonder what you can do to get her to like you instead of him. Be a good friend.

  • GtrArtGuy

    One topic I haven’t seen is landing a co-worker. The environment and surroundings provide a much different scenario than a bar, club, a lady walking down the street etc., so not all behaviors and tips can simply be applied ‘as is’ without considering something past merely the bedroom! Is there anything specific I should also consider when there seems to be something that could be developed, but the office enviro is somehow manifesting into a ‘blocker’ of sorts!

    • Hello Art Guy. I made a video specifically on how to ask out a co-worker. It’s called “How To Ask A Girl Out In Your Office”. Good luck.

  • Tomdog

    “When you see her, lead the interaction, emit masculine body language, use some push/pull and break the touch barrier. Yes, touch her. Don’t be afraid to spin her around, give her a hug, or even give her a kiss.”
    Be careful with this aggressive “masculine” approach. Absolutely this works with women, when confidence is leading masculinity. Someone reading this that is trying to be masculine or aggressive could very easily just be sexually harassing and borderline assaulting women. Ensure you know what this means before trying something you are unfamiliar with.

    • Lilian Williams


    • Good tips. Thanks Tom.

  • Ramez

    Hey Tripp, first for every single word you’ve said it’s really precious……

    Second, I’m Egyptian, which means that it’s not a usal thing to have a girlfriend for a while and sleep with her …..etc, because at least for me as a Christian it one time relationship 😅, and Girls here 70% of the time get attracted to the options I have ( car, apartment, money …. etc) .

    Why I’m telling you all this inf. because I’m afraid to get in relationship with the WRONG girl ( I mean doesn’t fit my personality or my family level ) as it’s an important thing here… So I’m totally ready to DO everything you’ve SAID, but what would you do if you’re in my culture and if you are in my place……

  • John Copperfield

    Hey tripp wanted you to shed some light on my situation here.
    So I’ve known this girl fir little more than a year now and she seemed to be pretty into me back then…she would come and sit next to me during language classes in highschool. Later in college we both gappehapto be in the same class and so we became really close and started hanging out alot. So one day I told her that I really liked her but she rejected me. Few months later we were having drinks together and as the night went on we were hugging each other really tight. So I misunderstood this and rhthoug she was finally into me. So I went in for the kiss and she got so mad at me and instantly rejected me. Then seeing how the situation was she confessed to me tgea she liked this guy who was my friend in highschool and that she had a thing with him etc. She told me she doesn’t want to go through all those emotins again and that she prefers being friends with me rather than risking it all. So I wanted your versidi whether or not to continue persuing her or to conplecomp give up on that and stay friends. Lately I’ve been working on myself and my social skills to keep myself busy and to improve talking to other people. But Everytime we hangout I still kinda feel a slight kinda attraction towards her. Please help me out with this.. Thanks Tripp.

  • 1/2th Asian-student

    Hey so, I’ll talk about my prerrogative.
    I’m not interested in a relationship for sex. What I care about is eventually marrying my best friend because when your partner is your best friend you won’t want anyone else. So I will not just date a girl because she is hot.

    What I’m most interested in in a girl is her intelligence and career goals because I want someone who has higher goals than just being a mother, and someone who can make me look at art or science with a better perspective. I’m a new PhD student so I think I need to find someone before I become a professor.

    But the thing is that I’m interested in is friendship forever, but that doesn’t last unless you are in a relationship. So I should be reasonably courteous to girls, but not their friend unless they date me first? The friend-zone is scary, and communication is what a relationship is.

    So since shallow things like looks matter, I will lift weights to change how I’m perceived, and meet a new person every day.

    How does that sound? Also, what do people even do on dates? So I need to date a girl to become a priority in her life, but if I be her friend then I slowly become insignificant with time!

    Crazy how the world works!

    • It sounds like a good idea. They talk and have fun. Yes, that is how the friend-zone works which is why it is not a good idea to go there if you like a girl.

  • 1/2th Asian-student

    Tell her you won’t talk to her unless she spends time/talks with you {aka. date} in person. If she wants to talk to you so much, this might work.

  • Luis Guerrero

    So well structured explanation, quick and simple if you already handle the basic, just a compliment my friend, I have been watching your videos for topics I have never aboarded (like how to use my fingers on her hahaha) they’re so well explained.

  • Warren Frost

    Hello Tripp
    I met this wonderful woman 3 months ago, through a mutual friend, and we hit it off right away or so i thought we did.We talked on the phone and text back and forth alot due to her working nights and me working days. Well we went on a few dates and i was really into her but last week after our last date she explained that she was trying to work out some issuses in her life and couldnt focus on dating at this moment; Which is just another way to let me down easy and for us to remain friends. I explained that i wasnt really in need of another friend and she said she understood how i felt. I havent spoken to her since and yesterday she texted apologizing and saying i was a great guy and wished that it had ended differently and she loved hanging out and talking to me. I did reply back with hello im doing fine and no need to apologize. I know where i went wrong during this whole process because i didn’t show her that i was truly interested and she most likely thought i just saw her as a friend. Is there any way i can turn this around? I really do think she is amazing but i couldnt be her friend because i am attracted to her. Just need guidance…

    • Evita Price

      From a girls perspective, and obviously not the one you want or are asking for, but to me it sounds like you don’t need to do much. Her saying she can’t focus on dating says she knew that’s the road you were both starting down, but by essentially doing Step 1 of Tripp’s 3 step process of escaping “The Zone” by completely going dark and removing yourself from her presence for that week or so clearly got her thinking about you. I can confidently say that if she were genuinely pleased that she broke it off (before she gave you a chance & let it even get started, really.)but if she were confident and happy with that decision, she would NOT have contacted you yesterday!! Unless you made your friendship so amazingly awesome & beneficial to her that she doesn’t want to lose THAT, I’d say she’s already on her way back to you as a romantic prospect. I’d say you have her where you want her already, which is more than half the battle! I’d stay with Tripp’s 3 step process and carry on with steps 1, 2, & 3.

      What do I know though? I’m not affiliated with Tripp or his site, but if my brother asked me the same question, this is what I would tell him. Good luck!

      Not trying to step on your toes, Tripp! LOL… I just had some insight & felt confidently about it with the info he gave. 🙂

      • Warren Frost

        Thank you for your valuable insight Evita. I tried to make it as clear as I could be that I wanted more. If I’m given a second chance at this relationship I will be more open emotionally. I am man enough to say that I didn’t show the amount of affection that was needed for her to TRULY understand my affection for her; but if it is friendship that she seeks then I will just have to politely decline, move on, and take the lessons I have learned and apply it to another.

    • Hello Warren. Sorry to hear you got thrown in the friend zone. We’ve all been there. You like a woman, she seems to like you, you spend time together and then one day, for (apparently) no reason, she dumps you. But the thing to do after this happens is not to think of how to change how she feels to get her to change her mind. As I’ve said before “trying harder never works”. In fact, it only makes the pain last longer. The answer is the one no guy ever likes to hear, and yet it’s the one that actually increases the chances of her seeing him in a new light, which is to move on and date another girl. Good luck.

  • Nibbles

    Hey Tripp, i have a dilemma.

    Ive worked with this girl for nearly 3 years and shes a year younger than me (i am 20 and this is just a bit of context). We both go to uni but different unis and we talk often but not in long conversations just in short spurts such as sending a funny photo or talking about something that happened at work. Anyways i think she just views me as a friend as in the 3 years ive known her nothing has really happened, however recently within the past year or two we’ve talked more and gotten a bit closer but there is still a gap. I think her mentality is different from mine as i seek meaningful experiences with people (not just girls) and to her its just a social outing if that makes sense. Anyways i went to dinner with her recently and i am not sure if i should of made a move. It was one of those dinners where we got a burger each takeaway and walked to near the beach and sat and talked, but it didnt go personal like that we just talked about different things. I am not sure what to do, should i just make a move and if she rejects move on? Or should i just take it with a grain of salt that shes not into me since she hasnt made a move in the 3 years ive known her. FYI its hard to make plans with her for me since she will come up with excuses not to meet or try to cancel the day before etc (i think these are hints but she still talks to me and occasionally drunk dials me, i think its a sign i am her best friend or friend zoned but we dont talk about her problems or anything like that). I am just so confused and not sure what to do or how to proceed. I wanted to try hold her hand or give her my coat since it was cold to create tension but i chickened out for fear of getting rejected and ruining the friendship.

    • Hello Nibbles. You are deep in the friend zone with this girl and if you want to get out then you’re gonna have to stop chickening out and make a move. Now the reason you’re scared of getting rejected is because there’s a big chance of it happening. Obviously we don’t want that, so you need to take it step by step and get it to the point where there’s very little chance of that happening and you do that by flirting with her in conversation, triggering her positive emotions and all the things I teach about how to get a girl to like you. Then when you’re not scared, it’ll be easier to make your move. Good luck.

      • Nibbles

        Thanks Tripp

  • Ian Hines

    Hey when you say to leave her alone for a while before coming back roughly how long would you say is the right amount of time to leave her be for? I haven’t talked to the girl I really like in about a month but I don’t feel I’ve improved enough to reapproach her yet.

    • As long as it takes for you to stop wondering how long you should wait, Wondering how much longer to wait before contacting a girl, means you’re not doing much to change the situation. You should never be asking yourself “How much longer until I can contact her?” If you are, it means you have work to do before trying again. So keep working, not waiting.

  • Jm5150

    what if youve been in the friendzone for 15 years? you were with someone when you met, she was married but you hit it off amazingly. you stayed close friends because basically youre perfect for each other. then 15 years later she gets a divorce and comes to you to help her through it. at the time youre not interested but helping out your best friend, then she shows extreme interest, so you start thinking about it. then you say why not? were perfect for each other, then you fall hard. you become a brain dead idiot whos there for her every waking moment, you start to be extra nice when youre friendship was all about teasing and semi flirting and being mysterious before….the EXACT way to get a girl (even though she was married, but it was all for fun). and by becoming this love sick puppy you push her away and now youre chasing… what do you do then? this isnt a clear cut case.

    • Whenever you find yourself losing control and she’s starting to lose interest, take a break for a while and try again later. After enough time has passed for you to have a fresh start. In the meantime do what it takes (what I teach everyday) to avoid acting needy with her again in the future.

  • Royce

    Hey Tripp. Nice blog. I understand and agree with everything you said. I’m confused as to where I stand with this girl. I met her at school while I was in a serious relationship. Eventually we broke up but I knew I had this connection with her so we started texting but no dates. Now I know that it was the wrong move but it’s too late I guess. Anyways, I am pretty sure we’ve got something but I’m not too sure what it is. Since we haven’t seen each other much, I’m not too sure how I should proceed. Dates or… hang outs with her/ my friends? Thanks.

    • Ask her out for coffee and see what she says. Her response will tell you everything you need to know.

  • Anand Choudhury

    Tripp you’re such an awesome altruist. I am extremely glad to find out such rare treasure in just 10 minutes of reading. God bless you with success and fulfillment.

  • Rahil Shaikh

    Hey tripp

    • Hello Rahil. No you should not tell her about your jealousy. Your jealousy is your issue to figure out. Don’t make how you feel other people’s problems especially if it’s a girl that you like. Get over your jealous just as you would any other inner issue; by facing it and contemplation. Good luck.

  • Sumo Flexin Chris

    Heyy tripp so im like talking to this girl at my school but she just got out of a relationship a couple months ago but me and her have been talking for like a month just studying together and helping eachother with essays. I told her that I respect that she just got out of a relationship and that she needs friends and support but I also told her that I want to move further with her. her response was that she was really glad we are friends and that she doesnt want a relationship until later on in the year. but whenever we hangout or study she flirts with me not heavy but kind of subtle. Today I exclude myself from the freindzone because everytime she hugs me I havent done anything but today I kissed her on the cheek, and she smiled and said I was wild. What should I do????

    • Try asking her to do something with you non school related and flirt with her. Good luck.

  • Gabe

    Hey Tripp, so there’s this girl I talk to a lot in school, I’ve known her for about 4 months now and a few weeks ago she dumped her boyfriend and started talking to me a lot more. I ended up giving her my snapchat about a week ago and I don’t really know where to go from here, any advice?

    • Hi Gabe. That’s why giving your info to girls doesn’t work. Get her info bud.

  • Scott

    Hey Tripp. I used your advise today. I thought a girl I really liked had me in the friend zone. I finally just flirted with her and told her I was really interested. Her response was that she felt the same way and that she thought I had friend zoned her! I’m so happy because I can now use my time with her like I want and flirt or build some tension. My question is, should I ask her out on a date this soon and risk looking clingy, or wait a few days to let her think about me in a romantic way more? Thanks again. Your advice is great!

    • Hi Scott. Strike while the irons hot.

      • becca

        I think that’s exactly it. I want a man who wants me. And wants me enough to risk rejection. Period.

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  • mero

    hey tripp i am an arab guy and i need your help. i am a student in the university and that is my second year. i knew a funny girl in my first semester in this university at first we where friends and everything was fine and we used to hangout a lot as a group of friends but we were never close friend we never knew anything about each other ( personal ) before one month she started getting closer and closer to me and i didnt even knew why and whats behind that, she started to send me hearts and laughing emojies and as i know thats not her personality around boys not only that but she keeps on asking my friends about me ( i knew that from them ). even i am not the only one who is finding that there is something wrong with her but my friends saw that as well and at some point we sat together and somehow she started speaking about how she wants her futur husband and i really dont know if i was meant or not. so i kept it on and moved with the waves and one day i told her i am going to the cinema alone if she wants to join me but she told me i am sorry i am hanging out with her friends ( it was a girls hangout so she didnt invite me ) and she left the next week she came and invited me to hangout but i was busy so i left after two days i asked her out again she was like ok let me speak with our group and plan something. i really dont know whats wrong with her and the way she is thinking and if there is anything or no i hope you can help me because thats mind fuck

    note: ( she never hang out with any boy alone as what i know )

  • C.B Arora

    Iam working in an office. I really got attracted to this gal on my floor. She is in a different project but same floor. I noticed her 2-3 times and then I also saw her noticing me once.

    we have small break out area (for tea/water). Once I went there to fill water from the right door. There she came from the left door and walked in quickly and stood a bit away from me. I looked at her. But went out of the door. I do not know what happened, I went back inside and said , excuse me. she said yes (she was filling water in bottle). I got nervous and could not say anything for 25 secs. She then went to the coffee machine. I went up to her and said that I really liked her shoes and want to know which brand it is. She said she got it from London while on office trip and is not available here in India. I said thank you and I just said I was a bit reclutant to ask and she said it is ok. I came back. I was really nervous

    After the above episode, she started looking at me from her seat. Her seat is exactly 20 yards away from my seat to my left on the floor. She can easily see me from her seat .She is in a different project with a different team. I could sense she is looking at me and when i turn away to look at her, she puts down her head.

    while crossing a small passage, i saw her coming from opposite direction and I just nodded and said good morning She smiled (not much) and wished me too.

    Once i again went to fill water. she came into the break out area and started washing her bottle in the sink. I was filling my bottle a few yards away from the cooler. I did not introduce myself or asked her name but confidently asked it seems she is managing a team as per my observation. She said yes. then I talked about how bad office politics is here and to which she said i will get used to it. then I said “ok Bye and she said bye.she was standing near the sink only . She said “bye” without looking at me.

    So in all I had three interactions till now. I was in break out area again filling water. She came in. My bottle cap fell on the floor. I was picking it up and looked at her. She did not looked at me. She straight away went to water cooler and started filler her bottle. I was standing there for 6 secs and looked at her from behind. She did not looked at me….i felt bit uneasy and went out of break out area. I was expecting eye contact from her or at least “Hi” I could have said hello it too. But I wanted to see whether she does it or not.

    Now after 30 mins of coming out of break out area . I was going to another floor with my male colleague through a passage . I saw her coming from opposite direction. She was looking at me. I also started looking at her continously but could not say hi. I was surprised 30 mins back she was not doing eye contact. in the break out area Then I have to turn left to take lift. I was also shy of saying hi since I do not want my colleague to know about it.

    Next day, she stopped looking at me. It is only one day has passed since she has done so.

    Ok iam 45 yrs still single and she will not be more than 28 yrs of age. Please can you advice what is happening here and what should I do.Is she just flirting or may be she is seeking attention. she will not know my age since I have maintained myself. If I have been 10 yrs younger, I would have taken chances. If i take chances now, I do not know whether it will work since she knew iam at senior level and once can see my bit of grey hair . to be honest iam a bit obsessed now.

  • Darren Bryan

    Tripp. I’ve had the biggest crush on this girl at Church for 8 years. A couple weeks ago a finally approached her at Church. She was super sweet and all went well. The next week a approached her and we talked a bit about the Avengers: Endgame movie. I found out it her birthday was this week, So I got a big with some nice birthday goodies for her, I wanted to give it to her at Church after service & also tell her how I really feel, However she was in a hurry this week & I really didn’t want to wait til next week to do this since I’ve already been waiting to do this for so long. So I just went for it. I had to tell her everything in like 3 minutes & was really nervous, I gave her the bag & told her that I’d like to meet her somewhere outside of Church & asked for her number. She asked me if she could give it to me next week since she was in a hurry. I told her it was ok. We said bye & went our separate ways. I lefted confused. My only hope now is that she likes the gifts I give her. This is the girl of my dreams. I’ve waited 8 years for this. I really want this to work.
    What should I do now? Should I be concerned?

  • Harry ghai

    Hey she’s actually playing hard to get , i played that too for a week and asked her out and she actually said yes , this day and this time and when i called her she said my other friend wants to go to, maybe we can go three of us and then she tells i’ll call you about plan and she never called and i have not texted or called too.