This is a guest post by Will Edward. He is a dating coach who teaches men how to naturally attract women. He is an expert at attracting and seducing women on the dance floor. Sign up for updates at willedward.com and you can follow Will on Twitter and FaceBook.
You can tell a lot about a person by how they kiss.
Are you a confident, experienced, and socially savvy guy who knows when to pull the trigger?
Are you going about it the right way or are you stumbling to read her signals to know when she is ready to be kissed?
Sometimes you may make a move and then she quickly turns her cheek, and you feel embarrassed and awkward for trying to kiss her.
Other times you may not even make a move, and she gets bored and leaves.
She may not even realize you’re interested in her, so she just friend-zones you.
When you finally get fed up with just being friends and try to make a move on her, it gets awkward and now you’ve ruined any chance of something happening.
I used to have no clue on how to kiss a girl. Things may seem to be going well, and she looked like she was ready to be kissed, but I was too afraid of getting rejected, so I did nothing or misread her signals and kissed too early or too late.
I started asking advice from guys who knew how to kiss girls and I learned from experience by experimenting on my own until I could safely kiss a girl without worrying about getting rejected.
You too can learn how to kiss a girl the right way.
Why Should You Learn How To Kiss Her?
It should be pretty obvious, but knowing how and when to kiss her is an important part of progressing things forward towards sex or having a relationship with her.
You don’t always have to kiss her before sex, but it helps to show her you know what you’re doing and having sex with her is key to start having a close relationship with her.
If you don’t know what you’re doing, she’ll immediately lose interest, especially if you get reactive, needy, or WORSE, even apologize if she rejects you.
If you want to be able to have a romantic or casual relationship, then you need to know how to kiss her and escalate things forward in a confident and smooth way.
Never Be In The Friend Zone Again
Knowing how to kiss a girl the right way will give you the confidence and ability to never be in the friend-zone again unless that’s what you want.
You won’t have to hope that she will all of a sudden realize how much of a great guy you are when she comes crying on your shoulder about her boyfriend being a douchebag and cheating on her.
You will choose which girls you want to keep as friends or be in a sexual relationship with by knowing how to take things to the next level.
Most guys just let the first decent girl to decide to be with them. Most guys don’t have the ability to CHOOSE to have a relationship with the girls they want.
You’re NOT like most guys, and you’ll be able to choose which girl you want.
Creates And Solidifies Attraction
Kissing helps solidify attraction with your girl. There may have been some attraction created beforehand, but this removes any ambiguity.
Neither of you will wonder if anything is going on between you two. You’ve both made a decision that you like each other and want to see where this goes.
Makes You Lead The Interaction
Leadership is an attractive quality of a man, and she will appreciate the fact that you took the initiative. Most guys are too afraid and end up never making a move.
You don’t have to suppress your fear of kissing her.
Just accept it and take action. That’s bravery. That’s courage.
You have to take risks to get the girl. She won’t do that for you or make it easy.
However, there are ways to take calculated risks to kiss her in a socially intelligent way without worrying about rejection, which you’ll discover in this post.
Displays Confidence And Social Intelligence
Being a proactive kisser requires leadership and taking responsibility for your actions.
Taking action in a savvy way displays confidence and social intelligence, which are both highly attractive qualities of a man.
These traits show you know how to communicate and navigate the world with ease.
She will see that aren’t some boy who doesn’t know his way around social situations or is afraid to take action. She will see you as a highly desirable man who knows what he wants and how to get it in a smooth and confident way.
When You Should Kiss Her
You should kiss her when she deserves it.
It will have more meaning and feel much more genuine for her. She will see that you aren’t just attracted to her looks.
You’ll stand out from the other boring guys and she will CHASE you.
Reward For Her Investment
Whenever a girl is putting time and effort in the interaction with you, she is investing towards you. Whether she is talking about herself or she’s spending more time with you than her friends, she’s investing, and that’s good.
You should reward her investment and good behavior.
Rewarding creates positive reinforcement and it will make her want to continue investing towards you. This is called operant conditioning.
You will continuously be rewarding her throughout the interaction when she shows this good behavior by giving her verbal approvals and with your physical touch.
You will reward her by the same amount of her investment.
For example, if she answers your question with a few short sentences, you can reward her by saying, “That’s cool…” and give a relevant statement to build a commonality and stronger connection.
Then you can follow up with a deeper or clarifying question based on her response, like, “How’d that make you feel?” or show empathy and say “That must have felt (relevant emotion)…”
When she gives a much longer answer and gets very personal and emotional, you can give her a larger reward and might kiss her on the cheek, forehead or even on the lips if she deserves it and you’ve done everything else right.
Away From Her Friends
Women are constantly trying to preserve their social status and reputation. The last thing they want to be called is a slut or being easy. They may worry that their friends will judge them for kissing a random guy they just met.
She may be attracted to you and want to kiss you, but preserving her social status is usually more important.
You want to make this as easy as possible for her and lead her somewhere where she may not be seen by her friends and feel less social pressure.
There are some exceptions on when you should kiss her. She may not care what her friends think, or she shows clear signs of sexual interest, and she wants to kiss you now.
Some girls will just act regardless of what others think because of their strong self-esteem, independence, etc. They may also have cool friends that won’t judge them for kissing a guy.
They could also just be super attracted to you and throw all logic out the window.
There are few clear signals that she will give you to show that she is sexually interested and ready to be kissed. She may get very close and frequently touch you. She may feel your arms, chest, abs, etc.
She may triangular gaze between your eyes and lips as she is thinking about kissing you. She may also just flat out tell you that she wants you.
If you don’t kiss her when she’s ready, and she shows those clear signals, then she may lose attraction, get bored, and that window will close, and it can be hard to open again.
Strike while the iron is hot!
How To Kiss Her
You have to understand how sub-communication works and how to use your body language, facial expressions, eye contact and your voice and touch to build sexual tension.
You’ll know the different types of kisses you can use to get her aroused for different situations.
I will also explain 3 of my favorite ways you can initiate the kiss with a girl where you can gauge how ready she is to be kissed so you can reduce your chances of rejection.
I’ll also show you how you can smoothly recover from the small chance of rejection, without losing value or chasing her, and then try again later.
You’ll never be confused on when and how you should kiss her or feel embarrassed or awkward if she does happen to reject you.
Build Sexual Tension
Sexual Tension is the emotional buildup to the kiss and eventually… the bedroom. You’re both feeling sexual desire for each other, and it gets her turned on with anticipation.
There are 4 main ways to build sexual tension. They are how you hold eye contact, how close you are with her, how you touch her, and how you use your voice.
Combining the different ways to build sexual tension can have a strong impact and may allow you to kiss her sooner.
If you can master this, then you’ll be able to attract virtually any girl you want and kiss her with ease.
Proper Eye Contact
Knowing how to use eye contact correctly is the first critical step to building sexual tension. Before you even approach or engage with a woman, you will most likely be holding eye contact with her.
This is very powerful and subtle and can make or break the attraction.
Your eye contact needs to be solid. Initially, you don’t want to break eye contact before she does.
While speaking or listening to her, you will be holding eye contact for the majority of the time.
The longer you hold eye contact, the more tension will be built. After talking with her for some time, you may give small breaks in eye contact, to release some of the tension.
For example you may be talking with her for some time and then give her a side hug and continue hugging her while talking about something else unrelated while looking off into the distance.
This allows you to hug her longer and build sexual tension in other ways without holding eye contact.
You will find that she will usually break more eye contact away from you while she is speaking to feel more comfortable and release some of the tension.
When you start giving small breaks of eye contact while she is speaking, she will usually start looking back at you to bring you back in.
This is good and natural because she wants your attention for her investment.
You will want to get close to her to bring up the sexual vibe. Whenever you get close to someone, you will naturally feel some tension.
We are putting ourselves in a vulnerable position since someone can cause us harm or pleasure. She will gauge what you’re about as she slowly starts to trust you.
Some ways you can get close to her is to sit down next to her instead of sitting across from her. This allows you to touch her more easily as we’ll talk about next.
If you’re both standing, you can stand next to her and mirror her body language but show slightly less interest than she is showing towards you.
For example, if she is facing you at an angle, then you face her at a slightly larger angle, so it looks like she is showing you more interest.
The only time you should face her directly is when she does the same.
You need to touch her early on the interaction, so she feels comfortable with your touch and eventually your kiss.
You can’t just go for the kiss when you haven’t even made any physical contact.
Heck, sometimes it can even feel awkward when you go in for a hug when you haven’t even touched her for over 10 minutes beforehand.
Start early with high-fives, handshakes, hugs and you can work your way up to touching her arm, back, and legs. Sometimes this is referred as climbing the physical escalation ladder.
You can also just passively touch her by sitting or standing next to her and having your legs or arms touch each other.
Being this close and having constant contact can increase the sexual tension.
You don’t always have to go through the whole escalation ladder, but it helps to get accustomed to it, so you’re comfortable progressing things forward.
Soon you will develop the intuition to skip some steps entirely or go for an instant or early kiss if you feel it is right.
Voice Tonality And Patterns
Your voice is very powerful and versatile tool and can help you tremendously to build up the sexual tension.
Speak slowly with a deep voice to create a seductive vibe that will get her hooked.
If you talk slowly in a calm and deep voice, then you’ll seem confident and carefree.
Speak as deep as you can. You’re probably underestimating how deep you can go.
You almost can’t go TOO deep. Remember to maintain a deep voice and not sound hoarse. There is a difference.
I’ll usually speak at normal speed and with a deep voice in the early parts of the interaction and I will speak more slowly and even deeper once we get closer and are alone. She will feel this change and become even more sexually aroused.
Different Ways To Kiss Her
There are many different methods to kiss her depending on where you are in the interaction and how ready she is to be kissed.
You may want to go slow and give a gentle kiss or a peck or you may want to go for a full-on make-out and go for french kiss.
You can also do a combination and transition into some of these kisses to make it more exciting and get her more attracted to you.
The forehead kiss sets up a powerful frame for the interaction. Think about it. Who are the main people that kiss a girl on her forehead?
It’s usually either her father or her boyfriend. Those are not bad feelings to be remembered as. Those feelings from her childhood or being with her boyfriend will be triggered when you kiss her on the forehead and she’ll immediately smile and enjoy it.
I usually kiss her on the forehead early on in the interaction when she tells me something positive or that I like so I reward her with the kiss.
For example, after giving her a hug off the approach, and she responds well, I may then ask her where she’s from.
Wherever she says she’s from, I’ll act pleasantly surprised and gently grab her face and pull her in for a kiss on her forehead and say, “I love people from (where she’s from)! You’re always so (positive traits or stereotypes)!”
This is a very confident and innocent kiss and part of my initial rapid escalation test to see how comfortable she is with me progressing things quickly from the start. It sets the stage for me to get more investment from her so I can kiss her on the lips later in the interaction.
Gentle Kiss or Tease
The gentle kiss is a great way to test where you are at with your girl and tease her a bit so you give her a chance to chase you. You don’t always want to go for a full on make-out right away.
This is soft kiss on the lips that may last for a few seconds, but you are always the first one to slightly pull back first. The gentle kiss is a tease to see if she leans forward and wants to continue.
When she leans forward to continue, then you may start going for a french kiss and she will really get turned on and reciprocate.
Don’t chase her! Allow her to invest.
The peck may be a good kiss to start with if your girl is more reserved. This is fine because you still kissed each other and solidified attraction so there is no ambiguity anymore.
You can get more serious later on when you two are in a more private area where her desires will be free from judgement from her friends or other people around.
Single Lip Kiss
The single lip kiss is a sexy kiss that can usually be thrown in while you are making out during the gentle or french kiss. Instead of kissing her normally on both lips, you focus on kissing her upper or lower lip. Here’s a video that show’s how to do the single lip kiss.
You may also suck on one of her lips to get her more sexually aroused. This can be a sexy way to get her more excited and she’ll want to kiss you even more.
Ahh yes… the french kiss. One of the most popular ways to kiss and probably what you want. This is your typical make-out where you are massaging each other’s tongues as your mouths are making contact. Watch the video to get a breakdown on doing the french kiss.
You can work your way up to it with the gentle kiss and give her a chance to chase and then start the french kiss.
You can also gently hold her head or grab some of her scalp from the back of her head and pull her hair as you move in for the kiss to get her really going.
Nibble Or Biting Kiss
This is similar to the single-lip kiss except you are giving a slight bite on one of her lips as you are kissing her as was shown briefly in the single-lip kiss video. This is really sensual and has an animal feel to it.
She may start biting or nibbling back and getting more excited and into it. This can be used as a transitional kiss between the french kiss, gentle kiss or single-lip kiss.
The angel kiss is where you lightly kiss your girl’s eyelid when it is shut.
This is a soft kiss that is usually used when you are already close with your partner and have been seeing each other for some time.
You could use this while you are cuddling to project that boyfriend/girlfriend vibe and build more comfort with her.
The butterfly kiss is where you flutter each other’s eyelashes against one another. This is normally used for close couples who are intimate with each other and not when you first meet or kiss her.
Closed Mouth Kiss
The closed mouth kiss is not an ideal kiss since there may be some resistance and she is not completely ready for it.
The difference between this and the peck is that the lips are not puckered up with the closed mouth kiss, which means she wasn’t totally ready for the kiss.
You should take a step back, build some more attraction and investment and try again later and go for at least a peck or gentle kiss.
The cheek kiss can be used when you greet her or get introduced to her by another friend. It’s customary greeting in many cultures.
You can also kiss her on the cheek as a reward when she has given enough investment.
The cheek kiss can help her get used to your kissing and more comfortable for the real kiss later on, such as a gentle kiss or at least a peck. You can also use the cheek kiss as a way to handle rejection as I’ll go in more detail below in this post.
The sloppy kiss can be used when things really start getting hot and heavy. It’s basically a sloppy french kiss where you’re exchanging a lot of saliva and much of it misses your mouths.
You shouldn’t initiate a kiss this way. Girls may start doing this first once you’re already french kissing and she is really into you. This is a good sign that you can probably take her home with you soon.
If she starts doing the sloppy kiss first, then you can go along with it but be careful not to do this for too long and get sidetracked on progressing things forward.
If you can’t take her home soon or keep her excited kiss until you take her home later, then her mood may drop and she may just like getting the validation from you and go back to her friends.
You can kiss her on the neck to get her excited and build anticipation for the kiss. This can also be used after you kissed her on the lips to add more excitement. Here is a video showing how to kiss a girl on the neck.
You may also kiss her on the neck if she happens to reject your kiss on the lips, to get her really turned on and want to kiss you after.
The vampire kiss is similar to the neck kiss with the gentle bite or suck on her neck. This will really get her going and want more. You have to make sure she is ready for that and build up to it.
You can start with the neck kiss and see if she likes it and go for the vampire kiss. This is done in a soft and pleasurable way and is not meant to cause pain (although some girls are into that, it’s better to play it safe).
The vampire kiss can be used for the same strategy of handling rejections as the neck kiss. I’ve used this before on girls who rejected my kissing attempt a couple seconds ago, and then she immediately lunged for my mouth after this.
Top 3 Ways To Start The Kiss With Her
Now that you know how to build sexual tension and the different types of kisses, I’ll show you my top 3 ways to start the kiss with her the right way without worrying about rejection. These are great ways to get her to feel comfortable and know she’s ready to be kissed.
Remember, these are usually best done when you are alone with your girl, and you’re rewarding her investment and good behavior. However, you will develop an intuition for a few certain exceptions.
1. Speak Close To Her Ears
Speaking closely to her ears is a really smooth way to kiss her without making it obvious what you are trying to do and you’ll feel confident that you can kiss her when you see how positively she responds.
Speak slowly into one of her ears with a deep voice and slowly alternate to her other ear as you pass over her mouth and gauge how comfortable she is with this.
It doesn’t matter what you’re saying. You could be talking about picking up the mail or doing your taxes, but the fact that you are speaking close to her in a deep voice skyrockets the sexual tension.
If she leans in towards your lips or doesn’t move her head as you’re speaking from one ear to the next, then she most likely wants you to kiss her. You can go for the gentle kiss and see if she continues for the french kiss.
If she moves slightly away or turns her head, then there is a lower chance you can kiss her. It’s safer to continue to get more investment and maybe go somewhere more private before she is more comfortable for the kiss.
2. Frontal Embrace And Triangular Gaze
Holding her in a frontal embrace while you’re looking at her is another smooth way to kiss her and has a romantic feel to it. It’s like you’re both in some romantic movie.
When she gives you enough investment and shares personal information about herself, give her a hug and embrace her from the front for a few seconds.
Then slightly lean back as you continue to hold onto her and closely look at her silently to build sexual tension. She will feel it coming, and you can gauge how well she responds to this.
Triangular gaze each other’s eyes and lips for a few seconds. If she doesn’t turn her head or look away, then slowly lean in and give her a kiss.
3. Dance Closely With Forehead Contact
Here is one of my favorites that I use while I’m dancing with a girl.
While dancing closely with her, gently place her arms over your shoulders, and behind your neck.
Your foreheads will naturally connect as you get closer to each other.
Hold this position for a few seconds and look at her to build up the sexual tension. Feel how comfortable she is with this.
If stays with you and doesn’t move her head away, then slowly move your head down and go in for the kiss.
How To Use Your Hands While Kissing Her
There can be a lot of action going on while you are kissing her and you may be unsure what you should be doing with your hands.
You shouldn’t be too concerned about what you should be doing with your hands as you’ll be naturally caressing each other while you’re kissing.
She may start grabbing your arm or rest her hands on your chest or maybe even pull you in closer!
You can reciprocate as well by simply grabbing her arms and pulling her in or caressing on the sides of her body, back or legs.
You can also give a slight tug on her hair behind her head. This is great while you’re giving her a neck or vampire kiss as well. This is a huge turn on.
As mentioned before, you can also gently grab her face with her hands and pull her in for a kiss when she’s ready and deserves it.
You should only gently grab her head and pull her in when she gives you clear signs that she’s ready to be kissed and she’s given enough investment.
Don’t force it or do it too quickly!
You want to give her about a second as you’re pulling her in to allow her some time to react and decide if she wants to be kissed.
If you’ve been rewarding her for her and done everything else right, the act of you being dominant and confident while pulling her in will very attractive for her and she will usually want to kiss you. Watch this video to see how to use your hands while kissing her.
What If She Rejects Your Kiss?
Nothing is foolproof, and sometimes she may reject your kiss. Some girls may not be ready to kiss some guy she just met.
Most men are afraid to pull the trigger so she may not be used to your assertiveness. This is fine, and you can use this to your advantage because you will stand out and become even more attractive.
Kiss Her Cheek Or Neck
If she turns her cheek, then just kiss her on the cheek and act as if that’s what you wanted to do all along and just smile.
Continue to talk about the topic you were discussing or about something else unrelated.
Get her talking about herself to get more investment and then kiss her as a reward.
You can also go for the neck or vampire kiss to get her more turned on so she will want to kiss you after.
This works better in a more intimate setting like when you’re dancing close to her or you’re alone with her so there is less social pressure for her.
It’s No Big Deal
As a man, you are expected to make the first move and as a woman, she is expected to not be “easy” to guys.
Accept failure before it happens.
Some women are more susceptible to kiss earlier than others. Get a feel for what type of girl she is and try again later. She may just need more time.
The fact that you attempted to go for the kiss is more important than getting the actual kiss itself.
Most guys don’t have the balls to go for the kiss and usually do it awkwardly like at the end of a date when you’ve dropped her off at her front door.
Even if she’s totally attracted to you and wants to kiss you, your boldness may be unexpected as it’s something she’s not used to.
She will see that you’re a guy who takes action and may get even more turned on that you were unaffected by the fact that she rejected you. Then the next time you go for it, she’ll be more ready.
You know the different types of kiss for each situation. You know why and how to kiss a girl the right way. You won’t have to rely on a girl making the first move.
You won’t have to be reluctantly put in the friend-zone and hope that she will someday come around and be into you.
You understand the behaviors and skills necessary to solidify the attraction between you two. Your ability to lead, display confidence and social intelligence will have her crave you.
The kiss should be given to her when she deserves it as a reward for her investment. Your rewards will reinforce her good behavior, and she will respect you more.
She will feel relieved that you know if she’s comfortable with kissing you in front of her friends or not without feeling judged.
You know how to create sexual tension and three powerful ways to kiss her without worrying about rejection.
There shouldn’t be any question or confusion on how to confidently go for the kiss. The only thing that you need to do now is to take action and put it into practice.