What’s your ultimate goal when it comes to getting girls?
Is it to go out on a ton of dates?
Is it to get a hot girlfriend?
Is it to have many, many more nights filled with wild sex?
Or, do you want to get married?
Whatever your goal may be, it’s important to know how to text women. And why is that?
Because you can’t always communicate face-to-face. Texting fills the time when you’re out of sight, and keeps you from becoming “out of mind.”
Getting a girl’s phone number is only the first step in seducing her via text.
To get the girl, you need to know when to text, what to text, how often…there’s actually a lot of information to consider.
In this post we’ll talk about:
- How to text in a way that grabs attention and gets her excited;
- How to utilize emoticons to make conversations fun and engaging;
- How to get a girl dying to go on a date with you;
- What to say when a girl stops texting you;
- How to get a girl in the mood with steamy sexts, until she’s practically begging to meet up with you;
- The most common mistakes guys make when texting girls—and how to avoid them;
- And just as importantly, how to stop texting a girl in a way that keeps her waiting with anticipation.
If you don’t know flirt with a girl using texts, she’ll get bored very quickly. Do you know what happens when she gets bored?
She stops replying to your texts. She starts texting other guys—guys who excite her. Your phone goes silent, and you can’t figure out what went wrong.
Look, we’ve all been there before. I know it’s frustrating as hell, and that’s why I wrote this post.
After reading this guide and learning how to increase the allure of your text messages, you’ll be able to get any girl—any girl who likes you enough to give out her number, that is—to not only text back, but want to meet up, date and hook up.
Let’s get started.
What To Say In Your First Message
The impression you make with your first texts is not likely to change, which is why these are the most crucial.
These opening messages must be exciting, intriguing and interactive.
This is where most men screw up. Texts like “Hi,” “What’s up?” and “How’s it going?” are lame and generic.
These are almost worse than not sending texts at all. And why is that?
Because girls respond back to your texts based on 3 important factors:
1. How she feels at that moment.
If she’s feeling happy because her day is going well, then she’s more likely to reply.
But if she’s feeling moody, frustrated or ill, then she’s probably not going to want to text anybody, especially a strange new guy.
2. How she feels about the person texting her.
A girl will almost always text her Mom or friends back right away or anybody else who she’s really close to.
If it’s someone for her work, she’ll text them back. If it’s related to a nail or hair appointment, she’ll definitely text them back.
But for a guy that she met a bar while she was out with her friends, or a guy from school, or a guy who’s a friend of a friend…you can see how your texts are already at the bottom of the pyramid.
3. How she feels about the texts themselves.
A girl’s isn’t going to respond to a text that doesn’t make her feel anything.
But if she gets a text that makes her smile or laugh, or grabs her attention and piques her interest, or gets her horny and excited…then she’s much more likely to respond back.
When a girl doesn’t respond, your first thought is probably that she’s ignoring you. While that may be true, it’s just as often not. Keep these factors in mind before you jump to conclusions.
Now that we’ve laid the groundwork, let’s get back to what you should say in those vital first messages.
Simply put, your first text message should mention what brought you together. How you met, where you met, what you were doing, who you were with…these details are extremely important.
By being hyper-specific with your first message, those (hopefully) awesome feelings she felt with you will come rushing back.
For instance, if you met her at a party, then say something about the party. Ask her if she enjoyed it, or talk about the people that were there, or mention something funny that happened.
If you met her at a bar, say something about the bar, or the crazy girls dancing on the counter, or where you went after drinking.
Here are some examples of first text messages that you can send to a girl:
“I like that place we all were at at the end of the night. What was it called?”
“I think that bartender was having a few too many himself. What do you think?”
“My coffee only lasted me about an hour this time. Must’ve been thirsty. How about you?”
“So did you end up getting that book you had? What was it called? How to meet a handsome guy at a book store? ;)”
“You get those vegetables you were looking at? I did. Got me some romanesco, kohlrabi, salsify, celeriac, and kai-lan. Can’t forget the kai-lan. How bout you?”
“I love going to the farmer’s market. You never know what you’re gonna find. Today I got kale, chard, broccoli, and a cute girl’s number.”
“Need to study later? I know this quiet spot in the library with a cool view. I’ll share it with you if you promise to keep it to yourself.”
“I’m in the dining hall right now. Not sure what’s good here. You hungry?”
“I think we could both use a break from studying. Want to go see a movie later?”
“You’re a pool shark aren’t you? What other shady skills should I know about?”
See how these examples take her back to the frame of mind of where she was when she first met you? That’s what you want to do to get her texting you back.
So however you two met, before texting her for the first time, think about what it was that brought you together and how to bring it up in a way that’s both funny and interesting.
Doing this not only reminds her of the fun that she had when she met you, but also subconsciously gets her thinking about doing it again…with you.
11 Principles For Successfully Flirting With Girls By Text
Below are 11 principles to follow whenever you’re texting a girl you like. By following these guidelines, you will learn to make the most out of every text. And if you screw up, you won’t be scratching your head trying to figure out why.
1. Learn How To Spell
If your texts read like a 12-year-old’s Twitter feed, no quality woman is going to take you seriously. You don’t have to write at a PhD level, but making an effort regarding spelling and grammar goes a long way towards showing you give a damn.
2. Be Creative, Unique, and Different
Put some thought into your texts so you stand out from everybody else. If you’re gonna say “Hi,” always add it on to something else. A single word provides no substance, and does little or nothing to help you schedule a date or a booty call.
3. Bring Value To Her Life
Most guys text girls with the goal of getting something from her, whether it be her attention, her time or her body. Be different. Offer something of value and reap the rewards later.
4. Keep Them Fun and Lighthearted
Always keep your texts fun, playful and lighthearted. Don’t bring up serious subjects or get into drama with your texts. Save these for in-person conversations.
5. Keep Them Short and Sweet
Keep your texts to only about one or two sentences each. If you write too much, it can make you look desperate. You want her to know that you have a life.
6. Ask Her Questions
Asking questions about her shows that you care about the girl. Keep these simple and relevant to what she’s been doing lately to keep the conversation going. Avoid interview-style questions where it feels like you’re interrogating her instead of getting to know her.
7. Be Thoughtful and Considerate
Obviously your goal here is to set up a date or build up attraction to make sex happen. But that doesn’t mean you should completely ignore her feelings. If you know she had a hard day at work, don’t say something insensitive or pester her. Learn when to cool off and give her space.
8. Put a Smile On Her Face
If you can get a girl to smile when she reads one of your texts, she’ll respond back to you nearly every time.
9. Always Be Flirting With Her
Remember what your primary goal here. Your goal is not to text. Texting is how you achieve your goal.
Your goal is to meet in person. Therefore, all of your texts should push to achieve a meet-up in some way. That means always be flirtatious—stop flirting, get friend-zoned. It’s simple.
10. Don’t Be So Readily Available
After you get a girl’s number, wait a little while before texting her. If you’re really excited and can’t wait to text her, then wait a few days. Good things come to those who wait.
11. Always Be The One To End It
If the conversation is going really well, keep her wanting more of you by ending it. Yes, you read that correctly.
Always be the one to end it first. Never keep a conversation going longer than necessary or you risk running out of steam.
How To Use Emoticons 🙂
Girls love emoticons. You probably already knew that, but these little smiley faces should be part of every man’s texting toolkit, too.
They convey to her that you’re a fun guy with a playful, light-hearted attitude.
The best emoticons to use are the simplest ones. If you use fancy ones or those really long ones that create a picture, that’s when you’re over doing it.
The main purpose of using emoticons is to make your conversations with her more fun and intriguing.
Example: “Want to see a movie?”
And now with an emoticon: “Want to see a movie? ;)”
See how adding a wink makes seeing a movie sound way more fun?
They can also be used to make bold invitations easier for her to say yes to.
Example: “Want to watch a movie at my place?”
Whether she wants to or not, this type of invitation naturally brings up second thoughts about being with you because she’ll be alone with you at your place.
And now with an emoticon: “Want to watch a movie at my place? 💡 ”
This makes it easier to accept because now it sounds lighthearted and less like you just want to have sex.
Using emoticons also makes your communication with her clearer by adding context in the absence of facial expressions and tone of voice.
When you’re communicating with someone and they can’t see your face or your body language, then it’s easy for either party to misunderstand and take offense.
But by adding the appropriate emoticons to your texts, you make that less likely to happen.
If a girl is using emoticons when she’s texting with you, it’s usually a sign that she likes you.
Girls usually only use emoticons with people that they’re close to or want to be closer to.
That’s really the best way to use emoticons—to gauge a girl’s interest.
Let her send more emoticons than you to express how she feels. If you use too many smilies in your texts, it’ll look like you’re trying too hard. Use them sparingly and appropriately.
Using emoticons should be done organically, in the moment, and relevantly to the conversation you’re having.
They should never be sent out of the blue or as a way for getting a conversation started.
Of course, emoticons aren’t the only way to be flirtatious. Check out this video for more tips on how to flirt via text:
How To Get a Girl Out On a Date With Texts
To get a guy out on a date, all a girl has to do is ask him out.
But for a guy to get a girl to go out on a date him by text, he has to do things very differently.
However, there are some little tricks I want to teach you to minimize the rejections, flaking and disinterest that I know plague so many text conversations.
First and foremost…
For maximum success, ask out girls that you think already like you.
If you only ask out girls that you like—but don’t like you—you’ll have less chance of success.
Before texting, have an idea for a date already planned. Know what you’d like to do with her, where you guys can go and when it’s going to take place.
Don’t offer up vague date ideas to her like “Want to hang out sometime?” Doing this makes it very likely that she’ll either say no or flake out on you.
If you just met her recently, then try make the first date something short but social and interactive, like having drinks together.
It’s usually a good idea not go to a movie or somewhere that’s new to the both of you for the first time because these can get awkward pretty easily and then it won’t be fun for either of you.
Here are some examples you can use to ask a girl out on a date with text:
“I’m thinking about grabbing a coffee somewhere. Wanna join me?”
“I need a Starbucks right now. Meet me there!”
“So which Starbucks have you NOT been to yet?”
“Wanna get buzzed? As in caffeine?”
“I need a coffee. You want a coffee. I’m sure we can find a compromise.”
“Let’s get ice cream somewhere.”
“I’m thinking about having dinner for my last meal of the day. You thinking the same?
“I like you. I think you like me too. Let’s go have dinner at a nice restaurant.”
Before asking her out, start the conversation with some small talk and ask casual questions about her day or what she’s been up to lately to gauge her level of interest and mood.
If she seems to be in a good mood and open to chilling, then ask her out.
But if she seems upset for some reason or just not interested, then don’t ask her out.
To increase your chances of getting her to say yes to a date, give her specific time options so her thinking goes from “Do I want to?” to “What time is good for me?”
When she says yes, end the conversation and let her know what you’re doing to do to have everything ready and then tell her you’ll see her later.
If she says no, then say it was good talking to her and end the conversation. Unless of course, if after saying no, she offers up other alternatives, then find something else that you guys can do.
How To Get a Girl Who Has Stopped Texting You To Start Texting You Back Again
Before you even read this section, I highly recommend that you watch my video on self-control when it comes to texting and girls:
If you’re trying to get a girl who has stopped texting you to start texting you again, then you’ve got to re-engage.
Start by sending her a simple text that is fun, playful and doesn’t require a quick response.
Always make your texts fun, laid back and lighthearted. Never try to get a girl to text you back by using guilt or begging. These tactics never work.
Don’t ask her why she’s not texting you. Don’t even acknowledge it. Instead, try to make her laugh by making up crazy and outrageous reasons for why she hasn’t texted you in a while.
Here are some examples that you can use to get a girl who has stopped texting you to text you back again:
“Your responses are too fast for me. Slow down speedy!”
“Did you faint after receiving that last text from me. It happens. So what else is new?”
“Hey there! Haven’t heard from you in a while. Get kidnapped by E.T. and his pals or something?”
“I didn’t get your Christmas card this year? What’s up? You just not celebrating this one?”
“Hey there Sleeping Beauty. Time for you to wake up. Can I get you a toothbrush?”
“You fall down a rabbit hole and get captured by an army of playing cards? Need me to come down there and show that Queen of Hearts who’s boss?”
“Oh no. Did I miss your birthday? Was that this year again? Nevermind. Happy Birthday!”
If you make a joke out of her not texting you, you’ll be showing her that you’re not holding any hard feelings and then she won’t be worried about replying.
How To Get The Sexting Started
Sexting is a great way to get a girl excited about seeing you. More importantly, sexting makes whatever you want to do with her much easier to get started in person.
It’s also a great way to learn her likes and dislikes ahead of time.
If you’ve been flirting with a girl but haven’t kissed her yet, sexting can help make this happen because she’ll get warmed up to the idea.
Sexting is the modern day love letter. When done right, you can build up her anticipation of seeing you so that she can hardly wait to be with you and tear her clothes off.
Sexting is fun and exciting for girls because they get to show a side of themselves that they don’t normally get to.
It’s also great entertainment for any two people who are horny and bored. And with the mandatory wait between messages to build suspense, sexting can be better than porn.
No matter how close or how far apart the two of you are, with the right use of sexting you can seduce a girl to the point that she can’t stop thinking about having sex with you.
The best part about sexting isn’t the sexting itself. It’s the night-long sex sessions that follow…
So, yeah. Sexting is a great idea. But you need to do it right, or else you’ll blow your chances of being with her forever.
You need to test a girl before you start sexting to know if she’s OK with it.
And the best way to do this is by subtly getting her aroused with sexual but casual texts.
A few examples:
“Hey you, I was just about to take a long hot shower. What are you up to?”
“I really liked what you were wearing the other night.”
“Girl, I wish you were here right now.”
Say things like this only after you’ve had some longer conversations and you can tell that she’s getting more interested in you.
For the audio/visual learners in the audience, I posted an awesome video covering some of these sexting principles:
Pay attention to the details. Ask her what she likes and talk about doing this to get her excited and wanting to do it.
After texting sexual stuff with her for a while, it’s alright to ask for pics…but don’t get desperate. This tends to turn women off and makes it unlikely that you’ll get anything.
Take it slow. If you start sexting with her before she’s ready, she’ll start to think of you as creepy and offensive. So be patient and follow her lead.
Don’t be selfish. Just like with real sex, there should be equal parts of giving and receiving. If you’re not sharing as much as she is, she might feel cheated…and that means no more pics for you.
When sexting, be real about your intentions. Don’t lead her on just to get what you want or else she’ll get offended and move on.
Tease as much as you can. Be creative about turning her on to build up her anticipation in seeing you by leaving some things to the imagination.
Also, when sharing intimate pics, be careful about those unique identifiers you have, such as birthmarks, tattoos or your face, just in case anything goes wrong.
And it’s usually a good idea to delete your sexting conversations, especially if you’re around people who shouldn’t be seeing them like kids, or co-workers or family members.
Keep in mind, all your texts and pics and recorded in a database somewhere, and when they’re sent out, they can’t be taken back. When it doubt, don’t send it out.
With that being said, you should definitely be sexting when the time is right. There’s no better way to build anticipation for the act itself.
The Biggest Mistakes To Avoid When Texting Girls
Listed below are some of the most common mistakes that most guys make when it comes to texting girls.
If you make just one these mistakes, you can turn what was initially an exciting encounter with a girl into a boring and frustrating “never going to go anywhere” friendship.
Luckily, these are all easy to avoid.
1. Not Texting With Enough Girls
Whenever a guy is texting only one girl, he usually gets into a scarcity mindset that causes him to get overly invested in every text.
To avoid getting into this situation you should be texting lots of girls at the same time.
When you’re texting many women and not expecting anything from any one of them, you’ll have a more carefree and fun attitude that women will find sexy and attractive.
2. Always Being The First One To Text
If you’re always texting her first, she won’t be that excited about receiving messages because she’ll always be expecting them.
But if you can be patient and let her text you first, you won’t look desperate and needy.
A good rule of thumb for texting a girl back is however long she takes to reply back to your texts, take twice that long to reply back to hers.
3. Sending Texts That Serve No Purpose
The more guys a girl has texting her, the more often she’s receiving the same type of texts and the more your texts need to be different for you to stand out.
Make sure all your texts offer value to her and shows your unique personality. Make them fun and interesting. Be different.
4. Coming On Too Strong and Too Soon
Don’t think too much.
Just text her when you have something to say. Your texts should sound natural and organic.
Don’t go overboard on how you feel about her or she’ll see you as needy, clingy, and desperate.
5. Texting Her Too Often
If you text a girl too often, it comes off as being needy and takes all of the excitement out of flirting.
6. Giving Up Too Early
When a guy texts a girl and he doesn’t get one back from her right away, very often he’ll get frustrated and think she’s not interested and give up.
But the real reason he hasn’t heard from her…could be anything.
She could be too busy at the moment to text back, or she could be in a bad mood, or her battery is dead, or she doesn’t have a signal.
Don’t always assume the worst and don’t expect a girl to text you back right away. It kills the attraction.
7. Taking Her Texts Too Seriously
Nobody enjoys having a serious conversation over text. Keep those type of chats to in-person talks only.
Keep your texts to her fun and playful.
8. Using Text To Avoid Having Real Conversations
A lot of people today are apprehensive when it comes to having real world conversations.
Show her that you’re different by calling her every once in a while and talking to her.
Don’t use text as your sole means of communicating with a girl. Use it in conjunction with real world talking.
9. Sending Her Needless Texts
Don’t text a girl if you don’t really need to. When she says “I’ll see you later” you don’t need to say anything else back to her other than “Later.” Even better, don’t say anything at all.
When you text a girl back every time and right away, saying whatever you can think of, she’ll sense your neediness and lose interest.
10. Letting Your Conversations With Her Drag On Too Long
If you let your conversations drag on too long you’ll run out of things to say.
Make her wanting more by ending conversations at a high point.
After you’ve been texting for a while, and you feel good about how she’s responding, end it with something flirty like, “As much as I like where this is going, I have to go.”
Don’t tell her exactly what you have to do. Create some mystery and intrigue by being vague, spontaneous, and unpredictable with your texts.
This is what will get her thinking about you long after you’ve been texting.
11. Thinking Too Much
Don’t spend more than minute thinking about what to text.
Just send what you want to say go back to what you were doing before.
12. Getting Stuck In a Rut
Don’t get stuck making idle chit chat for very long or else you’ll get banished to the friend zone.
Always move things along, always be flirting.
This video I put together perfectly illustrates what I think are the most common texting mistakes men make:
Keep your texts exciting, keep building anticipation, move towards a meet-up.
The alternative is boredom and an empty inbox.
How To End Your Texts
Just like when you’re talking to a girl in person, enjoy your conversation with her and end it before things get quiet by telling her that you have to go.
Always end your texts before there’s nothing left to talk about…not after.
The best places to end a conversation are at a high point, such as when she’s laughing or writing a long text.
Get her thinking about you after you’re done texting—tell her what you’re going to do next, or what the two of you will do together later.
If you’re going to meet up with her for drinks, say “I’ll be over at the far end of the bar with a drink in my hand.”
If you’re not going to see her soon, then plant a picture of you in her mind by telling her what you’re going to do or where you’re going. And be sure to make these pictures interesting!
Set up your next opportunity to text her by saying that you’ll message her again later about whatever it was you guys were talking about.
Example: “I have to go now but I’ll text you more about this later. Bye.”
If your texting and flirting with her was going really well and she’s interested in seeing you, then take things to the next level by asking her out.
If it’s during the day, then keep it light and friendly by saying something like “Hey, what are you doing right now? Let’s meet up. Are you hungry?”
If it’s the evening then say something more forward and enticing like “What are your plans tonight? Want to grab dinner or drinks somewhere?”
The best way to have these invitations work, is by putting them at the end of a text and not be the entire text itself.
Example: “Yeah I love the Seahawks too. Hey, what are you doing right now? Let’s meet up.”
By keeping your invitations to her casual like this, it relieves the pressure of an official date and makes it much more likely that she’ll go along with whatever you suggest.
If you find yourself doing most of the texting or all the replying back, or all you’re getting from her are one-word responses, then it’s time to stop texting.
If you’re trying to think of something to say but not coming up with anything, then it’s time to stop texting.
And if you’re always the one texting first, and trying to move things along but keep getting a bunch of excuses, then it’s probably time to stop texting her for good.
The tips in this guide are here to help you get better with texting girls you like so that they stay interested in you, solidify their existing attraction for you, and (of course) want to meet up in person.
They’re also here to help you realize what you may be doing wrong with the girl you’re texting, so you don’t keep beating your head against the wall waiting for a change.
If you want to see a sample conversation using some of the techniques I discussed here, check out this video I put together:
Keep these tips in mind and you’ll see just how easy texting—and setting up dates—can be.