How Your “High School Dance” Is Holding You Back

I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine. His name is Shogo Garcia. Shogo is a coach, writer and public speaker who guides men toward developing their most naturally attractive personalities through personal awareness and confident self-expression.

He is the founder of The Social It’s mission; to open the channels of communication between the sexes and help men around the world find true fulfillment in their abilities to interaction and communicate with women.

Today, he is going to do a guest blog post for us.

Please welcome Shogo Garcia.

“The way I see it, the experience of meeting and dating women is just like a dance.”

Now I don’t mean like the elegant embrace of tango, or the fiery, sexual display of salsa.

I mean like going to a dance.

Like a high school dance.  Think senior prom.  (Or last Saturday at the club, which is effectively the same dynamic.)

If you’ll follow along for a moment, let’s reminisce and think back to those high school dances:

It’s the end of the semester, end of the year, and everyone’s dressed up and nervous as they show up at the big dance.

Some of your classmates are with a date.  Others may come alone.  Some might arrive as a “group” of friends so they won’t have to say they don’t have a date.

And how about the dance floor?

Some kids are dancing, having a great time and jumping along to the music, really just loving life… while others are standing on the sidelines like wallflowers doing nothing.  Well, maybe they’re looking around a bit, trying their best to look cool and not self-conscious.  But basically the wallflowers, mostly guys, are all lined up along the sides of the room, hands in pockets, watching the others on the dance floor let loose and have a blast.

Then, before you know it, the dance is over.  The lights are up.

Now some people have spent their time dancing, flirting, and socializing the night away, while others have been standing around watching the others have a good time on the dance floor.

Looking back, which of those two groups did you belong to in school?

Did you talk to any of the girls that you liked?  Did you kiss any girls?

How many girls did you ask to dance?

Heck, how many times did you get on floor without a girl, just to dance?

How much did you enjoy yourself during those dances?

If your own teenage experience was anything like mine, those high school dances made you feel more self-conscious than anything else.

Some of us may not even want to remember those days.  Just thinking back to those times makes us cringe!

Ok, ok, enough reminiscing…

So then, what was the point of that?  Why bring up old memories that we’d rather not think about or we’re still trying to overcome?

The reason I’m taking you back to those high school days is because I want you to really take a look at yourself, take a look at how you’ve grown over the years, and ask if much has actually changed in that area of your life.

When you’re out meeting new women—or at least working on meeting new women—are you letting loose?  Are you having fun?  Are you inviting girls into your life?

Whether it’s that one special girl you have a crush on—the one that you see over and over (and over) again—or just a stunning girl who stops you in your tracks as she walks right by…

Are you loosening up, enjoying yourself, and saying something to her?  Anything?

Are you asking her out? Are you taking any action in the moment?

Or are you still standing on the sidelines… waiting, looking around, hoping you don’t look as uncomfortable as you feel as she dances right by you?

Just like we used to wait around at the school dance, hoping for that perfect slow song to come on before asking her to dance—now, years later, we’re still standing around, hoping that the right moment will magically appear and make everything happen for us.

Just like we used to hesitate before going out on the dance floor, or “kinda sorta” dance because we thought everyone was watching our sucky dance moves, we’re still afraid that the girl we’re talking to in public may reject us.  We’re still preparing ourselves, reading up on just a little more dating advice, a little more information on the right techniques, before we’re finally ready to take control and ask the girl out.

It’s funny, after all these years, our fear is still the same: We’re afraid that we’re just not good enough.  For her.  Maybe we’re not experienced enough, or not confident enough, not in good enough shape, not rich enough, and on and on and on the list goes…

Our answer is usually to ignore that fear and instead imagine one sunny day in the future when we’re finally, eventually going to have fun interacting with girls and we’ll be ready to take action.

And when will that day come?

“Oh, I don’t know,” we say… “Once I’ve got that perfect physique, or enough money in the bank, or have an impressive career, or when I’ve practiced talking to enough girls… then I’ll be ready…”

Well, here’s the news:

That moment we’re waiting for?  The day we’re preparing ourselves for?  That day may never come.

The perfect song may never play at the dance.

Your dance moves may never be good enough to impress the room.

That girl over there you’ve been waiting to ask out, racking your brain for the perfect line to start a conversation?  While you’re busy preparing for the right moment, she’s already gone.  Poof.  Just like that.

The music’s over.  Lights are on.  Party’s over.  And you still didn’t ask her to dance.

It’s the same story, time and time again.

What we don’t see is that we are chasing an illusion.  The illusion is one of “readiness”.  The truth is that we’re never going to be ready to take action later, because we’ve made our own readiness conditional on how things might be in the future.

So here we are, years later, and we’re still not dancing because we never learned how to take action and enjoy ourselves right now.

Now is the only time.  Don’t wait for the perfect moment.  Don’t wait for the perfect song, or the perfect nugget of dating advice.  Don’t wait for anything.  Just move. Because the experiences that you desire to have with women, the experiences that you need in life, they won’t just happen on their own.

We’re all waiting for that perfect moment.  That perfect moment may never come, so you may as well enjoy what’s going on right now.

I’m not saying that you should stop setting goals for yourself.  Keep improving in all the ways you desire.  Get in good shape, continue learning, work on becoming a better man.  All of those things are important.  But don’t forget that setting goals for your future will only do you any good if you know how to take action in the present.

So if you were that wallflower at the high school dance who watched everyone else from the sidelines because you were too self-conscious, or too afraid, or not yet ready, then this is the time for you to choose.  It’s your choice to let go, to free yourself, and to start dancing with the girls around you.  It’s your choice to do what you want in this moment, or to wait around until the day arrives when you finally feel ready.

The truth is that those high school dance moments didn’t end in high school. They’ve been happening all along, and they will continue to happen in every beautiful girl who walks into—and right back out of—your life for as long as you decide to do nothing about it.

  • Nice story and lessons to be learned. There are many of us who definitely let opportunities slip by by not taking action. We may not be able to go back in time and ask out that girl we didn’t talk to in the high school dance, but we can start approaching that girl that is right in front of us. Good message.

    • Thanks Will! Exactly. NOW is always the best time.

  • Tony Chao

    Hey, I’m 17 and there’s this girl in my class that I really like. We’ve been messaging for about two weeks now and I know you say that the point of texting is to get her out and keep the texting short, but she lives in a different area from me and we both are working on getting into a good college so I don’t really know any time we could hang out besides after school, this makes it really hard for me to find private time with her. Also, she keeps asking me who I like and of I have had a girlfriend, does this mean she is interested or is she just curious? If she’s not, what should I do to make her interested or should I just give up? And what should I do to see if she is interested? If possible, could you help me with the private time problem?

    • The only way to know if she is interested is to set up a time to see her next time and make a move. Set up a time to see her when you’re both available and get to know her better by qualifying her. When she starts telling you about herself, reward her by the same amount of investment she is giving. You can reward her with verbal approvals like, “Cool” or “That’s awesome!” and you can reward her physically with your touch. The more personal the information she tells you, the more you can physically escalate. Start small with things like hugs at first and then slowly get closer and build intimate space between you two and go for the kiss when you feel its right or when she starts looking at your lips.

  • samkelisiwe

    Hey,I’m 15 and I’ve never had a girlfriend before and every time I see a girl I like I just freeze and if I approach the girl I say stupid things and turn her off what should l do?

  • Tkash Smashed

    Hey, tripp i am from india and i need your help badly in india there is a folk dance where people do a certain king of steps at the time of estival and before that people use to learn about the same at a class where the same is taught i go in a class where around 400-500 people practice the same dance at a same time and the same will be performed at a festival where 10-20k people perform the traditional dance so there is a girl in my class which i like we were both learning at that time we learnt for two days she was smiling and giving all the hints she could have so that i would talk to him but the problem is at this place most of people know me and it will create a bad image of my self so should I approach her through social media or should i just go and say hi and see if it workouts?

    • If you live your life worrying about what other people think of you, you will never take the chances and have the successes that will lead you to the life and woman that you truly want. Stop looking at other people and wondering what they’re thinking and look at what you want, learn how to get it and go for it.

  • Johannes Bender

    I’m 16 years old I don’t have any girlfriend please can you help me to get girlfriend to live with her

  • Robert Maxa

    As the band “Bowling for Soup” song’s appropriately titled “High school Never Ends”. 100 percent true. Still true 27 years later. I absolutely detested my high school grad. I had no intention of going, but got suckered into going last minute. Still don’t/can’t dance, hate it.